Amazing Race
The Family Christmas Card

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: C- | Grade It Now!
Even pink girls get the blues

The Linzes go off to get their wheels. Hijinks follow as the Linz boys have no trouble hefting the wheels, but the Bransen girls find them too heavy. One of the girls actually musters an "Eee!" Oh, Tonya. You can't actually say, "Eee!" The Linzes get started on their wagon quickly, and the Bransens are close behind. This part, the actual assembly part, looks not to be very difficult. Over at the tepees, however, the Weavers are figuring out how to wrap the rope around the tepee. Because he's had such an awesome education, Rolly goes to run around the tepee with the rope and decides to do the culturally sensitive clapping of his hand over his mouth that we all associate with Bugs Bunny cartoons, followed by -- I shit you not -- a tomahawk chop. Rolly then notes that the chief is looking at him. Gee, I wonder why. How his mother is not fucking mortified by that display, I just do not know. If I had behaved like that at 14, after telling me what a jerk I was being, my mother would have actually tried to grow an exoskeleton just so she could hide inside it without being seen.

Christine runs back bearing the news that each beam for the frame should be four of her feet apart on the ground. The rest of her sisters think she is worrying entirely too much about the precision, but Christine is determined that "it has to be four shoes." Four shoes, you hear me!

The Linzes crack the mystery that the wheels screw on backwards ("righty-loosey," you might say), and they congratulate themselves for being so smart. They go off to get their horses and bring them back to the wagon as the Bransens finish their wagon. The Weavers start draping the tepee cover around their frame as the Gadzookskis are wrapping the rope around theirs. And Christine is nitpicking again. "Too many chiefs and not enough...what's the saying?" Michelle says awkwardly as the chief looks on. Yeah. What is the saying? Before long, the pinks get themselves so worked up that it seems like Christine is getting yelled at for not being taller, so it does appear that the situation is degenerating. The Linzes hitch up their horses. The Bransens hitch up their horses. The Linzes take off in their wagon, accompanied by a guide and happy about being out in front. Both of the tepee teams note that the wagon teams seem to be doing better than they are, which is both the result of the task being easier and the wagon teams sucking a lot less, I think. As the Linzes go by, Megan calls out to the pinks, "Come on, girls, you can get it!" Mama Weaver, mistaking kindness toward others for hostility toward herself, mutters to her daughters, "She just waved at me real snotty, so I just smiled at her." What kind of mother brags to her kids about her adolescent smackdowns with 21-year-olds? Particularly when she's completely imagining both halves of the exchange? Mama Weaver crazy. The Bransens leave in their wagon, and apparently, nobody waves at anybody real snotty, so we're through with that.

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Amazing Race




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