Hayden and Aaron are "dating actors." No, no, they're actors dating each other. They're not both people who are dating actors. Although that would be funny. You could have, like, Cher's latest boyfriend and whomever Colin Farrell is currently sleeping with. That would be awesome. But anyway, Hayden tells us that it was a "whirlwind romance" between them, and Aaron confirms that he wanted to marry Hayden "from the first time [he] talked to her." Smart thinkin'! My favorite part of their interview is that at the very end, he says, "At the end of the day, I love her more than I loved her the day before, so," and Hayden gives this great little smile like, "Suck it, jealous bitches," which I kind of love her for.

Gus and Hera are father and daughter, and Hera says that they're both buttheads a lot. Or, no, actually, she says that they butt heads a lot. Sorry. Got confused there. There is some back and forth about how he treats her like a child, and she isn't a child, and she's going to make the decisions, no, he's going to make the decisions, blah blah blah controlling father independent child "we named the dog Indiana"-cakes.

Jonathan and Victoria. They're described as "married entrepreneurs," which LTG immediately called out as a guise to cover the fact that they make porn. It's certainly a guise of some sort, because that really isn't a job. It's like "consultant." You might be doing something worthwhile, but more likely you are in your underwear during most of your business phone calls. Anyway, Jonathan interviews that he's not only an entrepreneur, he's also "a dictator," which would be a lot more convincing if he weren't so...twerpy. He tells us how he knows everything, and he'll be making sure she understands he knows everything, and...it's not that I don't find him offensive or abusive or whatever, but I'm going to tell you right now: I have a hell of a hard time taking him seriously, as a villain or anything else. I'm pretty sure I could flatten him with one punch, and as I've already mentioned, I was raised by pacifists. Anyway, he has curly dark hair, and Victoria is another model-ish blonde. And their dog -- whom they kiss on the mouth -- is cuter than both of them put together. In an interview, she says that she makes an effort not to "step in his way," which is surprisingly inarticulate for something that's part of a fairly short sentence she should have been able to wrangle successfully. Anyway, she says he's "like a speeding train," and says she doesn't really want to get run over. Or whatever. It appears that the sport of the season will be taking bets on how in the hell these people ever came to get married in the first place.