Amazing Race
The Game's Afoot

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Aaaand they're off! Again!

Meredith and Maria are best friends and roommates from Queens, and they've got the same long, wavy, perm-look hair. Meredith says that they're "two funny girls." In fact, Maria does a kick at the camera just to prove how wacky they are. Wacky! Maria adds that they're both "friendly" and "charming." And humble.

Dear Everyone Whose Hair Or Hats I Have Ever Made Fun Of: I Apologize. Sincerely, Miss Alli. Because the next team up is Adam and Rebecca, and if you have ever seen anything more moronic than Adam's hair, you are a more well-traveled person than I am. I swear to God that what I am about to tell you is the truth: Adam wears, in the very front of his hair, right at the top of his forehead, two tiny hair horns. They're teeny teeny little ponytails, about an inch long, and about the width of pencils. I cannot even describe the sheer idiocy of this look, except to say that if he thinks it doesn't make him look like Pebbles Flintstone, he's utterly deluding himself. The real challenge is trying to figure out what could have possibly made him think of that in the first place. It's unclear to me how a guy can possibly sit down and say to himself, "You know what guys just don't take enough advantage of? Tufts." Anyway, he and Rebecca are ex-lovers who are, as Phil says, "trying to rekindle their relationship." Gee, let me think about whether I can think of anything he could do to make her more attracted to him and facilitate the rekindling. Nah, nothing comes to mind. I'll get back to you if I come up with anything. Adam explains in an interview that they met at the gym where he works, but I am totally not paying attention, because he is El Hornio, and he has come for your soul. As they work out, she voices over that they broke up because of "lack of communication." Apparently, it was not because El Hornio kept stealing her banded elastics, although I bet that was a bitch, too.

Phil wonders aloud whether they can all stand up to the stress, and wonders, as usual, about the mix of "brains, brawn, and teamwork" that will win the race for someone. These are the questions. What are the answers? And you're not allowed to say, "None of the above."

Now, Phil addresses the teams, explaining the basic rules, which I will assume you all kind of know -- tasks, money, not having to pay for plane tickets. Eight elimination points, and...oh, wait. Jonathan is jumping up and down. All must take note! He will not be ignored, even while Phil is giving the boilerplate! What's more, Victoria is kind of vibrating vertically, as if it would be wrong to contradict him by failing to bounce, as this would somehow reflect a belief that bouncing is unnecessary or stupid, and she certainly would never imply that. Oh, and Kris crosses herself. Please, let's not go through that again. Phil says that the first clue is waiting in the envelope with their luggage. When he gives the word, they're to run to their bags, then run into downtown to catch the train to the airport. Has he mentioned that if you win the whole thing, you'll get a million dollars? "The world is waiting for you. Good luck. Travel safe. Go!" Yay, yay!

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Amazing Race

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