Amazing Race
The Game's Afoot

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
Aaaand they're off! Again!

On the lead train, there is a round of introductions, and Victoria says that they've nicknamed El Hornio "Hellboy." Even if I thought that were clever, which I don't, I would eschew it because it comes from them. Jonathan asks El Hornio what the significance of the horns is, and El Hornio says, "I'm weird." And then in an interview, El Hornio assures us that he doesn't care what people think. Which is hilarious, because anything that has no significance except that it makes people think you're "weird" is essentially a desperate plea for attention, and desperate pleas for attention indicate that you care intensely what other people think. Oh, poor deluded El Hornio. Moreover, he tells us that he's "eccentric," and again, when that's a word you're applying to yourself, it's not a quality so much as an affectation. I also feel obligated to report that El Hornio pinged the gaydar of practically everyone I know, so you can take that for whatever it's worth. Anyway, he says that he's been this way his whole life, so maybe that's the explanation -- his parents put a little ponytail in his hair when he was young because they forgot he wasn't a girl, and he just liked it and stuck with it.

On the lead train, Gus proposes an alliance, apparently never having seen the show and thus being unaware that alliances on this show do not work -- and they are active impediments if they're any bigger than two teams. It's not clear exactly how large he wants this group to be, but it appears that he wants to include at least Avi and Joe and Hayden and Aaron. This is where Gus explains to us that he worked -- or works -- for the CIA. So he calls himself a "control nut," and insists that they'll dominate the game. Oh, Gus. He even thinks their alliance can "wreak havoc and destruction." Yeah. Doesn't know the show. Not only that, but he thinks you can get people together and target specific teams to take out. "The first team we gotta be gunnin' for is yellow shirt," he says, as we get a nice cut directly to Jonathan, looking right at the camera and raising his hands over his head in a victory holler. "He is a pain in the ass," says Gus, and boy, oh boy, do I hear that, but it's not Survivor, and wasting energy plotting against other teams is a painfully bad strategy. Although it's not that I don't admire the goal, because with Jonathan, I would encourage voodoo, prayer, and large-denomination bills slipped under Phil's door at night if I thought it would effectively get rid of him.

As Jonathan and Victoria make their way through the train, she pauses and says, "I can't do this." Referring to, apparently...getting through the door? Yeah, I don't know. They continue through the cars until Jonathan finds a guy on the with a cell phone, whom Jonathan asks to check on the three flights and see which one gets to Iceland first. And then, in an interview, Jonathan says, apparently earnestly, that he thinks of himself as "a mental magician." Good golly. Some contestants give you openings so rich they become like Mad Libs, where you can pretty much write your own jokes. Here's one: "Yeah, he's a mental magician. He's already made [noun] disappear." (I'm going with "my will to live," although I think "his wife's libido" would also be good.) He goes on: "My foresight is just so powerful, I have a way of going into a situation and seeing what needs to be done." This is also the first really good shot of the blue hair at the nape of his neck. Not sure what that's about, but about the last two inches of his hair So there you go. Maybe he dyed it through telekinesis, or because he went to the hair salon and his mojo told him it needed to be done.

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Amazing Race




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