Amazing Race
The Race Begins

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | 3 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Swing, you fat bastard!

Ahem. So there's this Race. And it's Amazing.

Now we see Paul and Amie in their car, displaying the particular relationship malfunction I think is sure to doom them, and perhaps a couple of other teams as well. Here's the thing: to operate in this environment, you cannot react to stress by shutting down. Here, we see Amie react to not getting Paul's agreement on something by saying, "Fine, you make a decision." Of course, after he makes one, she throws a fit. Passive? Meet aggressive. Have you both met Amie? Then he comments, "Are you gonna sit there and cry?" Boy, I haven't heard that since fifth grade. Furthermore, Amie goes into a rant about what an idiot he is for not being able to find the Gorge, and yes, here it is. This is where you take out that moment where she struggled with the turnstile. More to the point, it's where PAUL should have taken it out. The man does not know how to be petty, and when you're married to Amie, that's a vital survival skill.

Margarita kicks butt on the zip line, something for which Loud Pushy Frank clearly gives himself all the credit. Unfortunately, when he makes the big bungee jump, the cord does not snap. After getting some encouragement from the guy who's in charge of hooking her to the harness (and who pronounces her name very nicely -- Margari-Ta), Margarita jumps. Yay, Margarita. Now, stop screwing around and dump your sad-ass husband, and we can all have a good time. When she reaches the bottom, they share an alleged warm moment, but it's ruined by my memories of the shoving and the Loud Pushiness of Loud Pushy Frank.

An early look at Songwe Village. While everybody else is still Gorge-ing, Rob and Brennan get there first (since they won the Fast Forward).

More bungee jumping and zip lining. Over at the bungee, one of the working moms gets to wear not only the microphone everybody else has been wearing (the better to pick up her bloodcurdling screams), but also some kind of a bungee-cam that allows us to see the terror on her face, followed by the relief she feels when she does not fall onto the rocks and die. Lenny and Karyn (who?) pass by. Margaretta goes across on the zip line, and as she finishes, Davey turns to the guide and says, out of his wife's hearing, "That is one heck of a woman over there." As she disembarks, Margaretta says, "That was way cool." Listen up, too, because that, right there, those ten seconds? That was the most romantic thing I've seen on television in at least a year, and I'm not even kidding. The encouragement, the admiration, the surprise…that's the marriage I'd like to have when I'm that age. You can keep your soulmates and your swelling music and your dramatic reconciliations if I can have Davey when I'm sixty. Sigh.

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Amazing Race

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