Amazing Race
The Race Begins

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | 3 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Swing, you fat bastard!

Paul and Amie are temporarily stuck rotting in the subway, which I think is funny.

Team Guido gets to the South African Air counter first, and in fact gets there so fast that it's not even open yet. Go, Team Guido! Outside, Rob and Brennan are breaking the news to their cab driver that they're tipping zero -- no, seriously, ZERO -- on a thirty-eight-dollar fare. Ouch. Whatever wild animals may attack them later, whatever fungus they have to eat, whatever creeping jungle rot they come down with, this is the closest Rob and Brennan are going to come to death. Back at the counter, Frank and Margarita arrive, so Team Guido and Team Danza introduce themselves. Following this faux-cheery exchange, Frank retreats to a private conversation/interview, in which he gnashes his teeth about the matching outfits, which could almost -- but not quite -- make me want to defend them. Most importantly, however, we are introduced to my favorite plot theme of this episode, which is Frank's overwhelming frustration about the fact that every time he knocks himself on his ass trying to get somewhere ahead of everyone else, he finds Team Guido already there, waiting for him. I love this part. In fact, I love it so much that I think this weekend I'll get a beer, lie on the couch, and watch this scene over and over again. Aaaaaaaaah -- matching lederhosen or no matching lederhosen, Team Guido rocks my little world, if only because they annoy the bombast out of Loud Pushy Frank.

Dark Hair and Light Hair cluelessly roam the streets in their cab.

Amie and Paul are at the airline counter, discussing the fact that five other teams have left ahead of them. Paul's small number of firing synapses whir to life and discern that this means they're in the middle of the pack, which means that they're actually doing okay, and they may have saved fifty bucks in return for falling only to the middle of the pack. That may, in fact, be an acceptable strategy he has stumbled onto there. Amie, on the other hand, is obsessed with being first, which I just want to point out right now is a VERY BAD STRATEGY. First is probably not enormously important yet, and I certainly wouldn't pay fifty bucks for it. But enough about me, because here come the irritating Matt and Ana (who also took the train). The flights all take off, and here's how we're doing: First flight contains Team Stiff-The-Cabbie, Team Guido, Team Danza, and the working moms. (I think it also includes Lenny and Karyn, though they don't show them to us, in keeping with the show's desire to keep it a secret that they're on the show.) Second flight includes Dave and Margaretta, as well as Dark Hair and Light Hair. Margaretta, incidentally, is smart enough to note that the middle of the pack is, at this point, okay with her. Third flight includes Nancy and Emily, Matt and Ana, Paul and Amie, and Team Shower-Fresh Scent.

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Amazing Race

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