Amazing Race
The Race Begins

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | 3 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Swing, you fat bastard!

The first charter lands, and everybody runs for the cars. Somebody exhorts his partner to "go, baby," and much to my surprise, I think it's Rob. The clue they all pick up about where to go first says something about "the smoke that thunders." The first three teams all hire a driver, and along about this time, Phil gives it up (though not to the teams) that their first destination is Victoria Falls. The second charter arrives, carrying the working moms and Lenny and Karyn (who?). The third brings Dave and Margaretta and Dark Hair and Light Hair. The last brings Paul and Amie, Mom and Daughter, Matt and Ana, and Team Shower-Fresh Scent. On this flight, you can see Shower-Fresh folding the ugly yellow do-rags they're going to be wearing for the rest of the show.

Running, cars, chaos. Nancy is running a little behind, and Emily is being extremely bitchy about it, insisting that there's no time to get directions, they have to just start driving. Yeah, good one. Over in another car, Amie surprisingly has a thought, which even more surprisingly is the correct one -- they're headed for Victoria Falls! Everyone harasses their drivers to go faster, and more actual racing ensues. It was at this point that I looked at the clock and saw that it was only twenty-three minutes into the show. Twenty-three minutes? But so much has happened! Now, I knew they had me. Damn CBS. Damn Bruckheimer. Damn reality TV.

More hazardous driving. Monstrously gorgeous scenery. A herd of gazelles gets the hell out of the way and wonders whether, if one of them gets hit, they can enlist the help of those people who got Survivor to stop stabbing pigs.

Victoria Falls. Here, they are to proceed to something called the Knife's Edge. Team Guido gets directions, and for once, Team Danza actually gets the better of them by eavesdropping and basically running off with the directions while Team Guido is graciously thanking the directions-giver. Of course, this is Margarita's doing, and has nothing to do with the antics of Loud Pushy Frank. Dark Hair/Light Hair (who, I should remind you so you don't forget, are actually named Kim and Leslie, though possibly not in that order) are literally wandering on a path, confused and tossing their hair (dark and light, respectively), which I bet is just how they looked in their high school yearbooks. Margaretta calls out to Dave, calling him "Davey," which is the cutest thing ever. Anyway, she, like everyone else, is looking for the footpath to the Knife's Edge. A cameraman appears to almost hit his head on a tree as he tries to give us the running-racers'-eye-view of one of the paths.

Beauty shot of Victoria Falls. Very pretty. I have to say that the scenery here certainly has it all over staring at the Big Brother House and its green walls for ten freaking weeks. Folks start to arrive at the Knife's Edge, which appears to be a footbridge where you get very, very wet from the spray. To their credit, when they find this Knife's Edge, Drew and Kevin do take a moment to appreciate the incredible-natural-beauty part. One of them yells out, "This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!", and I'm pretty sure he's never said that before in his entire life, except to a woman who just took her top off.

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Amazing Race

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