Previously on When You See The Bruises On My Lips From Kissing Phil: The cost of living in Long Beach is way out of hand, so eleven teams of two decided to follow a mysterious set of written instructions and head for Lima, Peru, where they could exist on a sandy beach, free of Schwarzeneggerian deregulation issues and displaced Hollywood types including, ironically, past reality show contestants. Speaking of whom, Rob and Amber got a jump on the chumps by hooking themselves to a Peruvian assistant who presumably dislikes moralizing about "a stack of greenbacks" as much as I do. Patrick's level of "dislike" of Rob looked suspiciously like it might be "dislike" of the pigtails-in-the-inkwell variety, but it was too early to tell. "Ptui!" said a menagerie of Peruvian llamas who had heard about this show based on last season, and didn't want any part of any pushing and shoving. The endlessly irritating Debbie and Bianca were grossly over-rewarded for coming in first, the dull Ron and Kelly were spared, and the endlessly entertaining Chuck and Ryan were tragically Philiminated, depriving the world of hours of pointedly subtitled hilarity revolving around body fat and "the high side." With ten teams left, who will be Philiminated...next?
Credits. I'll tell you, Alex is right about one thing -- when you find a guy who will look that happy to see you in a purple cowboy shirt with white piping, you should never let him go, because it will be a long time before you find another.
Commercials. You know, if your engine is physically throwing up on you, that's not a sign that you need different engine oil so much as it is a sign of demonic possession.
A llama looks at the camera like, "What?" as we jump back to Peru. Mountains! Streets! Terrified members of the avian community! Phil explains that Cusco was once the capital of the Inca Empire, much as the home of the current world-gobbling empire is Branson, Missouri. I don't think the Incas were evil and soulless, though. And in this city, there is a church. And at that church, there is a mat. (E-I-E-I-O.) And the teams hit that mat for twelve hours of quality relaxation, scheming, and giving Rob and Amber dirty looks, and now they're getting ready to go again. Phil wonders whether the aforementioned Rob and Amber will continue to benefit from their renown, and whether Ron and Kelly can transform themselves into a metaphor for good old American go-getter-dom, rather than remaining a metaphor for good old American reliance on image-making to excuse execrable performance at things everyone else seems to excel at without difficulty, such as men's soccer and the reduction of carbon dioxide emissions.