Oswald and Danny are best friends from Miami Beach. Unfortunately, the brief intro the show provides doesn't include the best thing I've seen from these guys so far, which is in the intro video over at CBS.com, where at one point, they make a very dismissive reference to Team Guido, whom they call "Bill and Ted." Heh. Anyway, here we see Oswald complain that they'll miss flying first class, because drinking 7-UP after you've had champagne isn't easy. (Miss Alli's Mom: "I had this image of the Guidos watching the show and saying, 'That's right, honey -- and we're the champagne, and you're the 7-UP!' Meow!") He also says that they're going on the trip because they're "absolutely fabulous," and he says it just like Billy Crystal as Fernando. Oh, dear.
Tara and Wil. They're married, but they hate each other, which is understandable, as we will soon find out. They've only known each other three and a half years, and they've been married-but-separated for two, so...you do the math. Either way, their most stable relationship point seems to be as a separated couple. In an interview, Tara says she's not sure they can get along. Because they're both incredibly obnoxious. Okay, that last part was me. Wil chimes in that if they do well in the race, they might get back together. Because they're both incredibly obnoxious. Okay, that was me, too. Anyway, he's wearing an idiotic hat, so -- bye, Wil.
Deidre and Hillary, who Phil introduces as "cautious mother and her free-spirited daughter," which is almost exactly the way Momily was introduced last season. You'll remember that that dynamic didn't really play out. Anyway, Hillary was largely raised by her dad, so this is her shot at spending some time with her mom -- who's very pretty, incidentally, and doesn't look nearly old enough to be Hil's mom, in my personal opinion. We see some footage of them playing with a scarf, which is rather fake-looking. (The footage, not the scarf.) I have to say that it just isn't my experience that people bond through wacky fashion accessories as much as TV and movies would have us believe. I used to imagine, when I was about thirteen, that there were girls out there who spent a huge amount of time at the mall with their friends, trying on cute hats. I don't know why I thought this, but I did. I think it wasn't as true as I believed at the time.
Chris and Alex. You know, they look an awful lot alike. I mean, one is taller, but they have the same hair, and they're built exactly the same, kinda squatty and buff without necks. They look like they could be members of the same Bostonian paramilitary organization devoted to relocating the nation's capital to Faneuil Hall or something. Anyway, they're best friends forever. And they call each other "this kid." So that's...very boy of them.