Amazing Race
The World Is Waiting: Go!

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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It'll be just like starting over

Phil tells us that the teams will have to get to Cristo Redentor (the Statue of Christ the Redeemer), located at the top of Corcovado Mountain. He speculates uselessly that either the teams in the back will catch up -- or they won't! (Can we please make better use of Phil? I love Phil, and Phil is atrophying. He's like that really hot guy at a party who has no date and spends the whole night changing the CDs.) We see the first plane land, resplendent with its American Airlines logo (American Airlines: The Official Airline Of Cooing Babies, Patriotism, And Baseball). The teams run from the plane and jump into cabs. Tara shrieks (no, really shrieks) at their driver, "Fast, fast, fast!" Ick. She demands to go to "Corvocado" (bzzzzzt), and Wil patronizingly insists that it's "Corvado" (bzzzzzt). Idiots.

Cabs. Blake and Paige high-five. They high-five a lot, actually. She says Blake is "a huge motivator." She interviews that having him "pushing her forward" will be "awesome." Her hair looks like a wig in that interview. Back at the mountain, the big statue looms. In Team Drawl's cab, Norm is trying to figure out the fastest way to the top. Their cabbie doesn't so much speak English, unfortunately. At this news, Hope says, "Oh, shewwwt." Hee. It's really wrong, but Norm is kind of cute in that your-friend's-cute-dad kind of way. Not the Graham Chase kind of your-friend's-cute-dad way, the other way. The baseball-coach-dad way. Hope and Norm are passed by the Jeebus cab, inside which Cyndi comments on this development. Drawl looks sad, and Jeebus just has to comment on how sweet Hope and Norm are. Yeah, easy to say when you're dusting their asses. Russell tells us that he and Cyndi are "ordained ministers," but also "real people." Everybody needs to stop telling me how real they are, seriously. I get it. You're made of skin and blood and stuff. If I puncture you, disgusting things will come out. I get it. Enough.

In their cab, Tara and Wil despair that their driver won't exceed the speed limit. Heh. I think they're being held back by the dark force of Wil's hair, which looks like he cut it with a circular saw and styled it with a belt sander. Chris and Alex are bumping along, while the Portuguese-speaking one tells the driver to haul ass in his native tongue. Excellent. Everybody heads up, up, up the mountain toward the statue. Peach gets motion sickness. Of course she does. She's the Beth S. of this show, isn't she? Meanwhile, Cyndi notes that Mary and Peach are right behind them. "That's all right," Russell says. "I know," Cyndi chirps. "I'm glad." Eep, serious insincerity alert. She's glad? NOT. Unfortunately, I'm the first to say that's very Minnesotan behavior. We love to pretend we're only happy when we're tied with everyone. Anyway, everybody de-cabs and runs up the mountain. Mary gives the Fruit some encouragement: "You can do it, you're almost there." Eventually, she has her by the hand as they head up. Seriously, I like Mary so much.

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Amazing Race

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