Amazing Race

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M. Giant: A- | Grade It Now!
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Jill and Thomas are already at Eastnor Castle in first place, closely followed by the doctors and the home shopping hosts. In the back seat behind Brook, Claire is so excited about her first challenge, "I'm literally getting the heebie-jeebies, like goose bumps all over. I think I'm gonna pee my pants." Aw, Claire, don't be afraid; what's the worst that could happen? "I do not wanna be the first girl on The Amazing Race to pee her pants," Brook says. She might change her mind, if the alternative were being Jen.

Everyone parks and races for the clue box, which Jill and Thomas reach first. They'll have to "storm the castle," which in this case means climbing a ladder to breach the castle wall. The challenge is that the battlements are lined with a mob of peasants who will be flinging canvas pails full of dirty water down on them. Once they scale the wall, they'll need to grab a medieval flag, then take a "boat" across a moat, although the moat is more like a lake and the boats are barely worthy of the name, but we'll come to that later. Once across the moat, they'll exchange the flag with a knight in armor for their next clue. The footrace to the castle begins, Brook loudly giving Claire encouragement. There's some pretty scary footage of some nasty-looking, dentally-challenged "peasants" screaming into the camera, but Brook and Claire are undaunted, even as the water starts coming down. And I don't think those cloth hoods they're wearing provide much protection. I think they're only there to hide the helmets they have to wear for the climb. They also appear to have safety ropes, because we certainly don't want anyone getting hurt today.

Jill and Thomas go for another ladder, him telling her not to look up because then the water will hit her smack in the face. That's the difference between your Notre Dame and your cosmetology school right there. We get to see a close-up of the brackish pond-water the peasants are throwing, and it doesn't look at all nice. "Woo-hoo, we're medieval!" Brook whoops as she and Claire top the wall. The three lead teams, all of them completely soaked, grab their flags and run to the lake.

Gary and Mallory stop at a gas station for directions, and discover that their left front tire is flat. Jonathan and Connor, who left Stonehenge with them, get out, take in the situation, and quickly decide that they need to get going. Gary and Mallory understand, and Mallory even fist-bumps them as they promise to catch up, but dude, I'm starting to think you don't want to be driving in front of Team Glee. "This is not how I pictured my day in the English countryside," Mallory says as she wrestles the spare. Hey, we can still get some culture out of this. Just say "puncture" instead of "flat tire," and if you do say "tire," spell it "tyre." See? Tally ho!

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Amazing Race

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