Amazing Race

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: A- | Grade It Now!
Melon Vs. Melon

Katie and Rachel seem to have made it across the moat without incident, and Jonathan and Connor are navigating it as well. Chad and Stephanie, by the way, are still inching across the water. "Ready to beat the buff team?" one of the singers says. The buff team, by the way, seems to have taken off most of their clothes. Which I guess is how Team Glee knows that they're buff.

Claire's closing in on her target, but Nat shatters hers first, so she and Kat are off to the Pit Stop in second place. Although Kat tells Nat, "Stop for a second and see what you just did," which is kind of awesome. Claire fires again, and misses again. Rachel manages to ride the back of a knight's horse to the waiting ballistas without getting stuck trying to go up an England hill. Nat and Kat wade unnecessarily across a pond to the Pit Stop while Phil and the knight exchange an eloquent look of wherefore the fuck?. But second place is second place, and Phil tells them, "The doctors are team number two." And you know what's right above the two on a keyboard? @. It's fate!

Kevin and Michael are climbing the wall, and Michael's post-interview color commentary mostly consists of him laughing openly while recounting it. Is that what most of Kevin's videos consist of as well? Because I'm kind of seeing the appeal, a little.

Claire is still firing melons, and Brook's constant encouragement must be getting tiring. For Claire, that is; Brook doesn't ever seem to run out of steam. Rachel starts shooting. Claire has a near-miss as her next melon hits the flag standing next to her knight. Pow! Even contact with that flimsy target sends melon shrapnel flying, which gives you an idea of how hard those things must hit. Can you imagine getting struck in the face with one of those? At, like, point-blank range? Good thing that could never happen. As Claire winds up for her next shot, Brook makes the unfortunate remark, "Right in the kisser." Claire releases her melon -- but the ballista doesn't. At least, it doesn't on the way out, but on the way back. And the melon hits Claire in the face, at point-blank range. A couple of times, in fact, thanks to the magic of slow-motion instant replay. I just wish the shot was better framed for those of us who don't have widescreen TVs. Which I'm sure is Claire's main concern as well. At least we have the internet, which has shown us this clip several hundred times over the past month or so.

After the ads, we get to see that again a few times, then Brook asks Claire if she's okay. "I can't feel my face," Claire says with admirable clarity, considering. "I have the worst headache ever." Brook's sure of that, and when Claire asks what's next, Brook's like, keep going. She gives Claire this rueful sucks to be you kind of nod and says, "They don't call it The Amazing Race for nothin'." Which would be a more convincing argument if this show were actually called Massive Head Trauma. What amazes me about this is that I'm always seeing overkill with safety equipment on this show. Everyone's always having to put on helmets and harnesses and goggles and whatnot every time they undertake something that could even conceivably be dangerous. And here poor Claire, with no more protection on her head than a newborn babe, slingshots herself in the face with a watermelon. If her luck doesn't improve, she's going to have a very short race.

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Amazing Race




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