Amazing Race
They Probably Should Have Some Counseling

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The Best Pest Is A Budapest

Kris and Jon get to the stadium and sign up in fourth place. They head over and chat with Hayden and Nuance, and Hayden is busy being sort of appalled and amused by the Spazpants display. "They should probably...have some counseling," Kris says with a polite and restrained pleasant look, cementing her hold on the Understatement of the Year Award, narrowly edging out this one guy in rural Ohio who looked around on November 1st and said, "This'un could be close, Steve-o."

And in the Spazpants cab, Victoria is griping at Jonathan about not telling her that there was a signup sheet, and he is snarling back that he didn't want Hayden and Aaron to follow them, which...what? He lost me there, not that I was with him. "When are you just going to carry your own weight?" he demands. He sucks, and deserves no further comment.

Gus and Hera arrive and sign up in fifth place. Behind them is Hornio, and then Lori and Bolo. Bolo makes some remark about, apparently, Hayden and Aaron and Nuance having this alliance situation working for them. Which they apparently do, and it's a real drag, because I don't like either of these teams much anymore, and I'm not sure I'm going to like all four of their heads together any more than I like them individually.

Morning comes to the stadium, and a large crane moves into the picture. "Duuuude," Rebecca intones. "What's up with the craaane, man?" Apparently, Rebecca knows how to make every day begin with Morning in Amsterdam, if you get my drift. Highly meaningful pictures of bungee equipment are seen, and El Hornio declares himself "ready to go home." Or, of course, commit some grisly form of suicide by, say, strangling himself with a bungee cord. "This is going to be a problem," Rebecca says.

At 6:00 AM, Freddy and Kendra are first to open the clue, and Happy Kendra returns, jumping up and down and laughing in a way that makes Freddy, in spite of himself, laugh at her. She's so much happier when she's gotten to sleep and complain a lot. The clue, it turns out, is a Roadblock. Phil and the Exposition Hands remind us about the Roadblocks and the splitting of tasks, and he says that this particular Roadblock consists of something called a Hot Rocket Bungee, which sounds like a raucous sex act or a drink you set on fire to me, but it is actually neither. Basically, you start out lashed to the ground with your bungee cord stretched tight and attached to the crane, and when they let you go, you sproing into the air.

"Who's ready to be stretched to the limit?" reads the clue, and Kendra happily announces that she will be taking it for her team. And so is Hayden, and so is Kris, and so is Hera, and so is Rebecca, and so is Lori. So it's a sweep for the women, and Kendra's up first. There are a few mutterings about "girl power," which is gross because it reminds me of Survivor, which makes me want to renounce my membership in the Fraternity of Women, and then I remember that there is no fucking Fraternity of Women, and that that's kind of the problem, and then we're ready to get on with it because I have recovered my sense of humor. Kendra gets strapped in as Victoria frets about what will happen if the cord chokes her. I think it's safe to say that, at least for Victoria, the answer is, "Your husband will blame you for getting your stupid neck in the way." They strap ankle weights to Kendra, which I assume is a move intended to keep her body in the right position in flight, and then they throw the switch and she flies, screaming, into the air. Freddy throws his head back and laughs, so, you know, he'd better hope she's okay. Because otherwise, that will look bad on the news. "Oh, I'm dizzy, I'm sick," Kendra says, as she begins the process of being lowered to the ground. "I'm dizzy, baby," she repeats. When she's all done, she lies on the ground for a minute. "This ain't looking good," Gus says. "She's still down." And indeed, Kendra takes a minute to recover before popping up again. Boy, that turned out to be important. I'm glad they showed it in the previews. They pull the next clue, which tells them to fly to Budapest. Phil explains that it's about a 450-mile flight, and there, they'll take a "notoriously unreliable" car called a Trabant. If it breaks down and it isn't their fault, they will get another car, but they won't get a time credit. And in the Trabant, they will go 62 miles to Eger and find a castle where the next clue is located.

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Amazing Race

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