MONDO EXTRAS

Cusco. Zip line! Gorge! Load-testing! And then there were the llamas. "I hope we don't get a gay one," Lynn says, immediately earning himself an angry letter from LLAMBDA. (That is a joke I mercilessly stole from a friend, for which I take no responsibility. I wash my hands of the whole thing.) Indeed, as the llamas spit and hiss, we see Lynn interview, "It wasn't cooperating...I swear to God, I think we got the gay llama, it was very bitchy." It's the height of hilarity, really, and so inventive! So anyway, in the hopes that the basket would not also be gay, they switched tasks.

Teams rode in trucks. We watch Brian and Greg introduce themselves to the kids on their truck. They ask what the chickens, traveling with the group, are named, and one of the kids says one of the chickens is named "Brian." Brian agrees that would be okay, having a Peruvian chicken running around bearing his name. Well, "running around" for a fairly short time, I think. The boys laugh and screw around with the kids, which is just another reason why they were awesome and I miss them already.

Bianca helps local women experiment with blush. Because what is the top cosmetic complaint of Peruvian women who work outdoors? Pallor. That's what. Rob and Amber's truck breaks down, and Rob gets under the truck and helps fix it. When he's back up there, he says, "I know a little about cah-s, a little bit. So we got lucky." They get on their way, and he points out that it was "a potential disaster." "Good job, babe!" Amber calls. You can say many things about Boston Rob, and...most of them will be true...but you can't say he doesn't make himself useful.

Debbie and Bianca won the race to the first mat, and Ron and Kelly barely beat out Ryan and Chuck to stay in the race. Booo! Watery, red-state jerkweeds.

Second leg, everyone headed to Arequipa, and in the bus station, we find that Kelly decided to take a group shot of a bunch of unsuspecting locals. She explains to us that when she was Miss South Carolina (you may have heard; it was around the time that Ron was a POW, which you also may have heard), she spoke to lots of students, and now, she hopes she can still be an example. To, you know, kids in Peru. Oh, and she also says she wants to be an example "to the other teams." Spee-yack! Wow, that is really unappealing. And then Ron says, "This is Miss South Carolina, guys." Kelly waves dorkily. "They even recognize her in a foreign country," Ron says. And...I'm totally hoping that was completely sarcastic, because if it was, I spontaneously love Ron like I never have before. If it was sincere, of course, he's an unbelievable moron, because the likelihood of a bunch of miscellaneous Peruvians recognizing Miss South Carolina is approximately as great as the likelihood of Martians recognizing Tubey merchandise. What I find hilarious is that Ron is much more able to keep his yap shut about having been in an Iraqi prison than either one of them are about the fact that she used to be in pageants.