Amazing Race
They're Slithering To The Finish Line Like The Rest Of Us, Part I

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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I'll stop the world and melt down with you

Here comes FloZach. Oh, man, this should be fun. Zach immediately suggests the boats, probably because it sounds like it requires the team to do less work, and at this point, Flo is all about less work. We see them clamber into these little round bathtub-sized boats. They immediately notice that the steering is very difficult, because their round shape means that the boats tend to just spin if you paddle them carelessly. "The old spinner," Zach calls it as he realizes that this is going to be just one more thing Flo complains about. "There's got to be a better way to do this," she says. And then she comes up with one, unsurprisingly. "Let me hold on to your boat," she says flatly. Excuse me? So now he doesn't just have to do all the Roadblocks, but he has to do all the Detours by himself as well? Does he have to feed her with a plastic spoon, too? Good grief. Zach tells her to just try paddling, alternating left and right. She tries it in her usual half-assed -- well, actually quarter-assed -- fashion, and then she whines, "You need to help me, I can't do it."

Back at the bikes, Kenny is doing well, and Gerard and Ian are about at the same spot, Ian having done substantially better than expected with the bike. It's not wide enough on the road for two of these bikes to pass with all the baskets, so when Ian tries to get by Gerard, they bump each other and tip over. "You wrecked me," Ian complains. "I didn't wreck nobody," Gerard comes back sharply. Heh. Meanwhile, Teri is having no luck. Kenny, on the other hand? Loving it. He talks as he pedals the bike down the path. "I usually come to Vietnam on my days off and try to do this, practice up a little bit." I wouldn't put it past him, you know.

Ian and Gerard make their way along. Gerard gets a boost from a couple of guys who help get his bike upright while he pedals. Teri and Ian do the same. Eventually, all three of these racers are pedaling while having their bikes balanced by kids running alongside them. Hmm. That doesn't seem quite kosher.

Boats. Zach tells Flo that he's going to show her exactly how to paddle the boat. "I'm not even tall enough to do this," she whines in her high-pitched voice. She does try it a little bit, and quickly finds that it's really not that impossible to paddle, if you're willing to accept the fact that you don't go fast. But disaster strikes when they figure out that the little island they've been aiming at is the wrong one, and they need to go to another one that's farther out. She balks at this, despite Zach's reassurances that obviously, she's mastered the paddling, so she can do some more of it. She will have none of it. "I want out of this game. Out," she says. (FDD4.) She collapses into the center of her boat and starts crying. Oh, dear.

Commercials. "People all over the world, join hands!" Hey, we sang it where I was.

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Amazing Race

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