Amazing Race
They're Slithering To The Finish Line Like The Rest Of Us, Part I

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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I'll stop the world and melt down with you

Elsewhere, Ian and Teri review the clue again and grab a cab. As they sit in the cab, Teri, who is covered in dirt and sweat, snarls, "Well, that was fun." Hee.

Zach tells Flo that they can go back to the boats, or she can make a run at the bike. "Zach, do you understand how much I weigh? This is so heeeeavyyyy-uh." She is near tears. Again. When she tries to turn the bike and fails, she snarls at him, "Do you want me to get hurt? Do you want me to get hurt?" Oh, my GOD, is that a trick question? I have a feeling that's why Zach chuckles a little bit. Zach tells her that the boats were merely hard, whereas the bikes are really most sincerely hard, so he's thinking maybe sucking it up and going back to the boats would be the way to go. As they leave to get on the boats, she -- wait for it -- throws her helmet. Again. Oh, and Zach is carrying her backpack, too. "I want out," she says. "Out. I'm finished. I'm finished with this!" she wails. (FDD7.) She cries and whimpers as they walk along. "You want to go back to the boats?" Zach says evenly. "I want to go ho-o-ome," she sobs. (FDD8.)

Commercials. Burger King is incredibly hip. No, really.

As Zach and Flo walk, she still wants to quit. (FDD9.) Zach explains in a voice-over that he doesn't really know how he maintains his even keel, but he figures that "there has to be someone who's going to be stable throughout this thing." He says he's trying to "shower Flo with positive thoughts" in the hopes that he can get her through the leg. I would have showered her with lighter fluid and taken it from there, but that's just me. At the boats, she breaks down again and starts sobbing, so Zach makes a very interesting choice. He approaches a group of locals and asks them if someone can help him and Flo paddle the boats. I'm sorry, WHAT? Somebody is going to paddle for them? Oy. The next thing you know, Zach and Flo are both sitting in their little boats, being paddled by guys Zach has hired. Can I get a flag on that play?

In their cab, Ken and Gerard are hunting for the route marker, as are Teri and Ian. Teri and Ian pass the Bald Snark -- how did that happen? Teri was nowhere near done when Ken and Gerard left, so they must have a seriously sucky cab driver. Asshat celebrates with their cabbie, who obligingly says "number one" back to them. Meh. Shortly after Ian and Teri pass them, Ken and Gerard get a flat tire. Yes, another flat tire. In an interview, they explain that back home, they would have called for help, but this time, they took the situation in hand. We see Gerard muscling the spare tire out of the trunk and working with the cabbie to replace it. "We kinda worked in tandem," Ken explains in an interview. "Well, I worked in tandem," Gerard says. "But he watched. He supervised." "I did not supervise, I was working also," Ken insists as Gerard laughs. We see Kenny...supervising. Hee. They get on their way in a jiffy.

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Amazing Race

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