Amazing Race
They're Slithering To The Finish Line Like The Rest Of Us, Part I

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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I'll stop the world and melt down with you

At the Saigon train station, FloZach is arriving. When they get inside, Ian gives Zach the scoop that the ticket sales lady doesn't open until 7:00. He also mentions that he understands this to be about a twenty-four-hour train ride they're gearing up for. "Oh, really, a beefy...a beefy ride," Zach says unhappily, seeing The Ghost Of Whining Future rearing up to stalk him. Ian continues to talk about the rough ride they're probably in for, well aware that this chatter will aggravate Flo. Zach tries to stem her gathering indignation by saying that maybe they can get first-class tickets. Ian laughs contemptuously through his nose. "I'm not getting on this train," Flo announces. "Just try and breathe," Zach says to her. He tells her that they don't even know how long the ride is yet, and they shouldn't take the information from Ian without checking. She begins to snurfle pitifully. "Do you want to come with me and take a look at the schedules, and we'll find out how long it is?" he asks gently. She nods and stands up to follow him. When they're gone, Ian says in a mini-interview that Flo may come out of this all right, but she also may melt down spectacularly. You can tell that he can hardly wait.

Over at the scheduling board, Zach points out that the train ride is indeed twenty-four hours. "I'm not doing this," she says flatly. (We'll call that Flo Declares Defeat, Part One, abbreviated FDD1.) "Why not?" Zach asks. "Because it's torture!" she snots back. Ian takes all this in from across the waiting area with a certain detached amusement, commenting that he would never quit the way Flo is threatening to do, but of course that's just his personality, and the fact that he's twice Flo's age anyway. Interestingly, there's something almost sympathetic about the way he says this, as if acknowledging that it's easy for him to say he'd be better behaved, considering that he's been on the earth twice as long as Flo has. Flo, meanwhile, sees no light at the end of the train tunnel. "Twenty-four hours on a non-air-conditioned train? Are you out of your mind?" she demands. Because it's totally Zach's fault. Zach says that they don't even know yet that it isn't air conditioned. He says they'll get the best seats they can, and maybe there will even be air conditioning. "I physically don't think I can deal with it!" she insists. "Let's just forget it," she says. (FDD2.) Ian watches and smirks.

Meanwhile, Ken and Gerard clamber off the ferry. They cross the street -- no small feat, considering that the task takes on the appearance of the forty-fifth super-expert triple-advanced level of Frogger -- and catch a cab. They take off for the train station, and we watch them cringe broadly at the speedy and death-defying antics of the driver. This entire scene is notable in part for the hilarious sequence of facial expressions that Gerard, in particular, produces. You know, I like wit as much as the next girl, but show me a guy who makes funny faces, and I become the cheapest date in history. Gerard voices over that he finds the Extreme Taxi thing that seems to go on in Vietnam very unnerving. "It's not worth winning a million dollars if someone's gonna die," he says. The pedestrian population of Vietnam thanks him, I'm sure. In the cab, he and Ken both cover their faces in horror at what's unfolding. Hey, that's just how I watched this whole episode! Shout-out!

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Amazing Race

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