Amazing Race
They're Slithering To The Finish Line Like The Rest Of Us, Part I

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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I'll stop the world and melt down with you

Teri is falling behind Ian, so she asks him to wait up. When she catches up, he's on her again. "You think you could jog a little?" he snots. They go in. Man, I am really running low on Shut Up over here, so it would be nice if someone would conserve. The Bald Snark and Teri and Ian look for someone who can show them to the pavilion that's indicated by the clue.

Flo and Zach reach the entrance of the Imperial Palace at last. They go in.

There is more inquiring into the location of the pavilion. Ken and Gerard get directions, but then when they run into Teri and Ian, they fake not knowing where it is. "Pretend we don't know, Gerard," Ken mutters to him. They flap their arms in mock confusion so Asshat won't follow them. Hey, it worked on the twins. (Ouch.) After a little more hustling, the Bald Snark are first to get to the clue box. They pull the clue. It sends them to the bridge in Nam O Da Nang, where they will find another route marker. They take off, as Ian and Teri continue, elsewhere, asking for directions.

In their cab, Ken and Gerard direct their cabbie. Gerard carefully reads the clue. "Gerard, your Vietnamese is awesome," Kenny deadpans. "Just awesome, you nailed it." "I know, I took that Berlitz," Gerard deadpans back. Man, it's so good to have someone along on the last part of the proceedings who doesn't irritate the hell out of me.

The String Bass Of Inept Intrigue thumps along as FloZach and Asshat meet up while searching. "I'm glad there's more idiots in the world," Ian says. Zach chuckles. Zach voices over that Ian's pretense to idiocy is part of a strategy, and Flo agrees, but she's not above being annoyed by it anyway. "Ian gets me, like, riled up," she says, "and makes me want to beat his sorry behind." As if anyone on the race at this point has a sorrier behind than Flo. In fact, I would say that for Ian's behind, the presence of Flo's behind pretty much means never having to say you're sorry. FloZach and Asshat tromp through the Imperial Palace grounds, feeding off each other's unhappiness. Ian finds the box first, and yells for Teri. "Shut up," Flo mutters without a hint of irony. "He needs to shut his mouth." They follow Ian's voice to the clue, so both teams basically review it at the same time. Both leave, and Asshat runs by a strolling FloZach. "I don't know why you guys persist in running. There's no point," Flo bitches. "I hope you get real tired out." "Already tired out!" Ian calls back to her. "Good," she spits. "Can't be any more tired than we are now, Flo!" Teri adds. And that exchange, right there, is representative of why, even though I didn't like them, a win by Teri and Ian would have been a lot more satisfying to me than a win by Flo and Zach. Flo is so anti-racing at this point that she's...she's an actual affront to racing. Bleh.

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Amazing Race

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