Amazing Race
They're Slithering To The Finish Line Like The Rest Of Us, Part II

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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It's the end of the world as we know it

As he drives, Zach says that "it feels amazing" to be back in his home country. Somewhere, someone writes Zach his very special ten-dollar bonus check for the use of the word "amazing." "Let's push it, Zach," Flo kibitzes from the back seat. "Let's not go, like, Driving Miss Daisy here." Ironically, if Zach were actually driving Miss Daisy instead of Miss Flo, he could undoubtedly expect better help if he needed to change a tire or something. That Jessica Tandy was a feisty one. He slowly passes Ken and Gerard, who decide (as I would point out Esquire used to often do) that it's better to let the other team lead if you know where you're going, because then you leave them the opportunity to screw themselves by getting lost. Considering that Ken and Gerard know that they navigate better than Zach (who doesn't have a navigator to help him), this seems like a fine piece of strategy. Flo, of course, fails to grasp the concept, and gloats loudly at the Bald Snark about passing them. There's just so much she doesn't get.

Phil points out that the teams are now driving twenty miles up Oahu's north shore. There, they have to find a particular spot where they will find a priest, known as a Kahuna, who will offer them a blessing. The Kahuna's hours of operation don't start until 10:00. Who knew priests even had operating hours? Especially ones based on a beach. Go figure. At any rate, what was left of the lead over Asshat is gone.

Speak of the evil. I mean, "devil." At 8:10 AM, Asshat's plane lands. "Lock and load," Ian yammers as they walk toward the cars. Oh, and he also says, "Time to hump!", which I refuse to think about, lest I be irreparably scarred, even more than I am from seeing the paper underwear. Teri snaps at him when it takes him too long to get the trunk open. It's so good to know nothing will ever change their relationship, you know? "Do you have to be obnoxious?" he asks her. Sheesh! They put their bags in the trunk and take off. They have a chat in the car about the fact that if they can make it to the Kahuna without making any mistakes (which he says would be "a miracle"), they presumably can catch up by taking advantage of the operating hours delay.

At the flag, FloZach arrives first and is quickly followed by Ken and Gerard. As the guys pull in, Flo goes over and jumps on the hood of their car. I'm not sure she really gets the irony in tempting people to run her over at this point, either. "Where did you guys go," she asks, "Mickey D's?" "Why?" Gerard asks her. "I'm so huuungry," she wails. God, is she actually begging for McNuggets or something? Unbe-freaking-lievable. Ken puts his hand up to her. "You gotta stop whining already, it's too early." HA! I knew he was my boyfriend. Gerard speculates that Teri and Ian will be along any minute.

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Amazing Race

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