Amazing Race
This Game Is About Minutes

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | 3 USERS: A
Sex, booze, and the general dealer

Xerox asks their driver if he knows any shortcuts. Shortcuts? Eek. Considering the Xerox luck of late, I suspect that any shortcut will take them by way of New Jersey. The driver says yes, and adds that the other driver won't know about his big secret. Oy, this makes me so nervous.

At the airport, Gary and Dave snooze. Outside, a green van pulls up, and Oswald meets it, opens the door, and extracts the Fruit. Without even saying hello, he takes her arm and says, "Okay, just pay later, just go in and sign up." He scans the road for other approaching teams, leaving his hand on her arm protectively as she gets out of the cab. Mary and the Fruit go inside and check in, making it onto the first flight. Can I just say again that Oswald is my boyfriend? What a doll. I think he and I should open a small business together where all we do is invite people in for tea, and if they're nice, we'll kiss their hands and tell them how fabulous they are, and if they step out of line, we'll just drink champagne and make fun of their clothes after they leave.

Xerox arrives very shortly thereafter, only to find they've barely missed making it on the first flight. As they step back from the ticket counter, voicing over that they were only a minute or so behind Mary and Peach, Blake shows up in the background, out of focus. He smiles, and there's an insanely white blur representing his teeth. I am not making this up. Finally, they pull him into focus, just as he says, "This game is about minutes, huh?" Xerox agrees, afraid that if they disagree, Blake's teeth will jump out of his mouth, scuttle across the floor, and start arguing the point strenuously while weakening the opposition with their pulsating, blinding glow. Outside, walking with Paige, Blake bitches about being bunched away from the lead. Boo hoo.

8:50 AM. Boston. They start to hurry away from the pit stop, but they realize that they're waiting for a noon flight, so they've got nothing to rush for. "It stinks being down low," Chris mopes. Blah blah blah, they're going to get their "competitive juices" going, "kick ass," yap yap yap. They get in a cab. I silently pray that we don't have to see too much of Chris and Alex's "competitive juices," because there are some things I just don't need to know about, and that's one of them. In fact, in the book where those things are written, that's underlined and highlighted.

8:51 AM. Jeebus. Russell reads the clue and refers to Namibia as "Nambia." The chorus of Amazing Race fans yelling, "That's Namibia, jackass!" at their televisions is so powerful that it flattens poorly constructed buildings in countries around the world. They're off. Cyndi says that "all the teams that are left are very, very, very aggressive." She says you don't have to play mean to win. She says, specifically, "We believe God that we can win and not compromise." This is exactly the part of their approach I can't agree with, and she's actually summed it up very nicely. I would believe that God tells you not to compromise your principles. But I don't see God making you any promises that you can win the million bucks without compromising. In fact, any God who tells you that sticking to your principles isn't going to have its potential monetary and pragmatic downside would be misleading you. I would think God would tell you to be a good person, and if that means you don't win the million bucks, then so be it, because what really matters is what kind of person you choose to be, not whether you win a million dollars. I suspect they believe this, too, if they have more than a ten-second sound bite to explain it, but it's comments like this that make me a little jumpy.

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Amazing Race




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