Amazing Race

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Wooden Shoe Like to Play Some Golf?

Tiffany gets her clue without actually having to do the task, so she and Maria are in fourth place. That leaves only Flight Time and Ericka up there, counting as the racket from the carillon resumes. Flight Time heads down first and has the correct number, so the Globetrotters are in fifth on their way to the windmill. Standing down below with his arms inside his t-shirt, looking like a chilly amputee, Brian calls up to Ericka not to give up. She does not, but she's the first one with the wrong number: 43. This is not how you catch up. "Brian should have done this," Ericka pants as she does the stairs some more. Brian, for his part, says he knows she's close. "She's gotta be close." Keep telling yourself that. You'll need to. She starts over.

Sam and Dan lead the pack into Vierhuizen, with Meghan and Cheyne right behind them, all the way to the clue box for the Detour. This time, the choice is between "Farmer's Game" or "Farmer's Dance." Phil gives us a little anthropology lesson about the simple lives folks have been living here for centuries, before moving on and explaining the Detour. The teams will have to change into traditional Dutch clothes and ride bicycles for both options. For Farmer's Game, they'll then have to find a creek, strip to the longjohns that came with their costume, and swim across. This is not a narrow creek, either, although there doesn't seem to be much of a current. On the far bank, they'll have to play a round of "golf." Except they'll have to do it in wet underwear, in what continues to be a hellacious wind, and using what Phil describes in a rare moment of understatement as "unique-looking clubs." The "clubs" are actually big solid wooden clogs on sticks, and the balls are the size of cantaloupes but look as solid as croquet balls. Clearly this version of golf is not about finesse. They'll have to finish three holes in eight strokes, taking turns. If they can't do it in eight, Phil says, "They'll have to keep playing until they're up to par." Oh, Phil. Although I'm later glad to see that it's eight strokes per hole, not for the whole course. That would be much harder.

For Farmer's Dance, they have to go to a dance hall, use a hammer to ring the bell on the high striker outside -- you know, that thing they used to have at old-timey carnivals where you use a big honking mallet to whack a little thingy to make a weight fly up a column and ring a bell, but you never see it any more because it's basically a wrongful death lawsuit waiting to happen. Then they'll go inside to learn and perform a Dutch folk dance with the crowd. And then they have to eat salted herring and onions. So, basically, three different things that have absolutely nothing to do with each other. The brothers decide on the golf. Meghan can't golf, but Cheyne can't dance, so they're also doing the game. But of course before they can proceed, they have to head into the windmill to change into their Festival of Nations outfits. The costumes are for couples, so Sam calls the men's outfit for himself, which Dan claims not to care about if they can just beat Meghan and Cheyne. They get changed into their Dutch duds, including big wooden clogs. While Gary and Matt arrive outside and opt for the dance, Meghan calls to Cheyne through the sheet separating the women's changing area from the men's, telling him to copy the boys. "You're not very good at dressing yourself." Sure, they come out, and then everyone assumes they're sartorial experts. Matt drafts Gary into wearing the dress, and he claims that he's only ever worn a dress for pranks or Halloween. "Nothing kinky," he assures us in an interview. Hey, there's a first time for everything.

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Amazing Race

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