Amazing Race

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M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
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Finished Business

Kisha and Jen open their clue at 7:15 AM, three minutes after the Globetrotters. How did Flight Time and Big Easy get from the 300-year-old Swiss cabin at the edge of town to the train station so quickly? Okay, they're actually starting the leg from the train station. That probably helps. Kisha interviews that they're the only remaining team that has never won a leg (not counting the single leg they won in TAR14), and Jen reminds us that this leg was also their undoing in their previous incarnation. Flashback to Jen sucking down large quantities of water in Beijing to complete the gross eating task, and then having to jettison it from her body before arriving at the Pit Stop and getting Philiminated. Kisha decrees in a pre-leg interview, "This time around, no more bathroom breaks." Jen agrees, "I will pee my pants to make the final three." Good call. With a million dollars, she can buy new pants.

Gary and Mallory open their clue in third place, at 7:18 AM. Mallory throws a total joy-wobbler upon learning they're going to Brazil, unnecessarily adding, "I am pumped up! Yerrgh!" In equally shocking news, I am metabolizing oxygen. As we see them and the other two lead teams making their way to the trains, they talk about being in a good position, despite the tough competition remaining (including Zev and Justin, who we see waiting to open their clue at the starting point). As the three lead teams board the train at 7:28, Big Easy talks about the pretty girls in Brazil, but warns that some of them are men, so "check the neck!" Some valuable race strategy right there.

Zev and Justin are starting their leg at 7:31, and Justin tries to get Zev excited about Brazil. Even these guys are able to join everyone else on the 7:39 train as Zev narrates, "We've proved to ourselves that the passport thing was a big fluke." Flashback to that heartbreaker, which to me still makes them more deserving of a do-over than any other team on this whole race, and Justin interviews that having won more legs than anyone, they feel like they deserve to be there and want to make the right choices "and give ourselves the best chance of coming in not-last." I hesitate to call those famous last words, because I don't know how famous they'll be.

The train arrives in Zurich, and everyone piles off. They're all walking down the underground platform, until Kisha spurs Jen into a run and then everyone else feels obligated to run too, even if their hearts aren't in it. "Excuse me, ma'am, I'm with the idiots that are running," Big Easy apologizes to one commuter. Apparently there's a travel agency right there in the Zurich train station, and the sisters and Gary/Mallory head in to get tickets to Rio. Zev and Justin opt for an internet kiosk, while the Globetrotters hit the British Airways ticket counter. There's an airport at this train station, too? This place has everything! Team Asperger's and the Globetrotters are separately but simultaneously learning about a flight that gets into Rio at 7:30 the following morning, and the Globetrotters book them on the spot, while Zev and Justin have to go buy their tickets. While that's happening, Flight Time wants to check with a travel agent to make sure there's nothing earlier, which doesn't really seem like the mistake it's going to end up being. Meanwhile, the British Airways agent who helped the Globetrotters tells Zev and Justin, "I already sold some tickets to your colleague, I think." "Colleague," that's cute. Justin gets more of the same. Meanwhile, the Globetrotters are standing behind the sisters at the travel agency as they're learning that their flight is getting in at 17:40. Yes, that's 5:40 PM, more than ten hours after the other two teams. Think that'll be allowed to happen in the finale? Unwisely, the Globetrotters fail to clear out of there as Gary and Mallory get the same news, and thus are put on the spot when Gary turns around to ask if they found anything better. Big Easy stutters something, and Flight Time puts his hands on his head, and suddenly Kisha, Jen, Gary, and Mallory find themselves staring at two six-foot-plus columns of "tell." Gary even utters a skeptical, "Mmm-hmm. Belatedly, the Globetrotters take off to check in to their flight, but the damage is done. While waiting, Big Easy says, "We don't want to lie to anybody, but you know, it's the final four and we were here last time, and we definitely want to get into the final three this time." Don't worry, Big Easy, you lied so badly it doesn't even count. The other two teams, with their 5:40 PM arrival time, check at the British Airways ticket counter and find the same agent who's been getting re-racers into Rio at 7:30 in the morning. While waiting to book those instead, they talk about what a rotten liar Big Easy is, like Flight Time was any better. Anyway, the upshot is that they're all on the same flight to Rio, as if that was in doubt. The days of the Guido edits are gone forever.

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Amazing Race

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