Amazing Race

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Finished Business

Gary and Mallory are decisively in first place when they get to the salon on the seventh floor in Copacabana. "Consider this the ultimate rip-and-read," Mallory reads from the clue after ripping it. Over beach footage, Phil narrates, "In this place, where hair seems to be an enemy, all team members -- male and female -- must endure a Brazilian waxing session." Brazilian waxing? Well, in the sense that it's happening in Brazil. Ain't nobody going to be walking out with smooth genitals that didn't walk in with them. After submitting to fifteen minutes of hair removal -- which we see a production assistant undergoing some of beneath Phil's barely-straight face -- they'll get their next clue. Mallory says she's up for this, probably because she a) has done it before and b) has the smallest surface area to wax. After finishing with her there'll be enough left over to make a pillar candle. Wearing towels and underwear, they head in and hop up on tables while a clock in the corner of the screen starts counting down from fifteen minutes and the waxers start slathering the hot goo on them. Mallory talks about doing this in her pageant days, in preparation for being in front of people in a swimsuit. "You better believe I'm getting this. Everywhere." TMI. Gary, with his pasted-up pecs, says it's worth a million dollars. "Beauty knows no pain, "Mallory lies as Gary gets his chest ripped bald. Mallory is already worried about Zev and Justin's hairy pelts, but Gary's more worried about what's happening to his own leg. I'm guessing this is a first for him.

Speaking of Zev and Justin, the former is currently taking another shot at the samba parade, this time displaying the moves of C-3P0 during an electrical storm. Jen's also giving it a go, and although Zev gets a NAO despite all of Justin's encouragement from the sidelines, Jen gets a SIM. Which does not improve Zev's mood much. "I feel bad for him right now," Justin says. And just to pile on, here are the Globetrotters, creating the potential for Team Asperger's to drop to fourth place. Justin is so frustrated by this he actually lets some of it show. Or maybe it's just edited that way and he only stubbed his toe.

After the ads, Big Easy is taking this Road Block while Justin keeps telling Zev to loosen up. Zev's female instructor pats him on the tush, and he testily returns the favor. She just laughs, though, because it's Brazil.

Gary and Mallory are wrapping up their waxing. "Oh, memories," Mallory says as she sits up. They open their next clue, which is a Detour: "On the Rocks" or "On the Beach." Now here's Phil, on the beach, and not the rocks. "With their bodies freshly waxed, teams immediately face a Detour and must decide where they'll feel most comfortable." In a bath full of aloe, maybe? But since that's not an option, Phil tells us about the Detour choices. For "On the Rocks, " the teams go to a beachside "bar" (actually a circular walk-up kiosk) to learn how to make caipirinhas, the most popular drink in Brazil. This requires mixing lime juice, sugar, and a sugar cane liqueur to exacting standards. After they've mixed up a hundred of them to the mixologist's satisfaction, they'll get their next clue. For "On the Beach," they'll be given a large umbrella bedecked with a fringe of bikini tops, and then take it out to Copacabana Beach. They have to sell enough to earn 100 reals, or about 60 bucks. But that's not all -- each customer must be prevailed upon to model their new bikini top, changing into it in a "portable changing room" that's essentially a fabric cylinder. Even in Brazil, where the network is blurring thong-clad asses left and right, women are going to do that in front of TV cameras? Good luck. Wisely, Gary and Mallory decide to do "On the Rocks." Although it would have been fun watching Mallory trying to talk women out of their swimsuits.

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Amazing Race

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