Amazing Race
This Seems Like The Path Straight To Hell!

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Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now!
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Aaron, Arianne, and Heave dock their WaveRunners and take off, as do Michael and Kathy and Gerard and Kenny. Aaron is wearing the ugliest shorts/swim trunks I have ever seen. They're kind of pink and red in some sort of hideous blotchy print. My goodness. I have to think it's better to look like an Abercrombie & Fitch campaign than to look like you just got out of prostate surgery and received inadequate bandaging. Meanwhile, Jill and John Vito return the kayak and go for the WaveRunner. A random shot of Flo and Zach enthusing over being first is inserted, and then it's back to Jill and The Arms Of Destruction, heading off in the WaveRunner, lamenting what JV says is the "hour and twenty-three minutes" they wasted on the kayak. They don't appear to take too long to find the clue.

Flo and Zach buy Cozumel ferry tickets. Hot on their heels are Heave, Aaron and his Aannoying Aassociate Arianne, and Ken and Gerard, who are a few minutes behind. Heave approaches, and they have the following conversation: "Ferry?" "There it is!" "To Cozumel?" "There it is!" "To Cozumel?" Somebody whack them on the back -- they're skipping. Anyway, Heave and Aaggravating get tickets. The fellas, on the other hand, after not quite running to get to the dock, are left on shore to grieve, doing their best deserted girlfriend and watching the boat dejectedly as it sails away. The annoying teams are all in the lead. How very sad. Arianne leans off the back of the boat, doing her Titanic impression. Wow. She sure is "alternative." Those Titanic references? Still fresh, lo these years and years later. Just a hint: One of the best reasons not to congratulate yourself for how alternative you are is to leave yourself the broadest possible range of pop culture references that won't prove you're a big poser. I'm just saying.

Back at the bus station, Bus Of Doom II: Bus Of Doom's Revenge is rolling in. The twins are off to the pit stop, courtesy of their FF. Everyone else will be looking for the marina. "Do you know where it is?" Ian asks their cab driver as they put their stuff in. The cab driver says he does. "You better know where it is," he snaps. Oh, good. We haven't had a good old fashioned Ugly American moment yet this season, so it's good to have a nice healthy one to start the proceedings. In the TnT cab (okay, I'll go with it), Talicia notes that it's a four-way race to avoid elimination. Next, we see Teri and Ian yell at their driver, in unison and in an unforgivably rude fashion, "San Marino Marina!" You know, I don't care what the situation was. Doing it in unison like that is just freaking rude. How embarrassing to be the rudest people on the trip when you're in your fifties and you're in the presence of people like Aaron and Flo.

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Amazing Race

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