Amazing Race
This Seems Like The Path Straight To Hell!

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1:35 AM. John Vito and Jill. We certainly do have a lot of these teams where the guy is big and tall and the girl is shrimpy. She's little enough to fit in John Vito's pocket, I think. Jill voices over that the two of them have decided that the race will test them, but will likely only make them stronger. Of course, everyone thinks that at first, before the screaming and the fighting and the throwing up out the open car door. They agree to caravan with Michael and Kathy, and Jill says, "If you think we're going the wrong way, beep us. Or flash us!" Beep us? Flash us? Now we're getting somewhere!

2:16 AM. Heather and Eve. Eve is doing some kind of twisted flower child thing today. Nice headband, there, Moonbeam, but Woodstock is thataway. The editors feel obligated to again play tape of them explaining that they just graduated from Harvard Law, because they know you probably still don't believe it. They leave. But they don't go far enough for me.

Aaron and Arianne are still following Zach and Flo. Zach realizes that the Kathy/Michael/PocketVito group has caught up to them. Michael comments that they have made up a half-hour, dawg, which is a tribute to his mad driving skillz. I wish I were joking. Fortunately, he laughs a little after he says this, which helps a little. Jill is just happy that the entire MeHugeYouTiny alliance has coalesced into a single whole.

Ken and Gerard, meanwhile, have found their bald, round way to the pyramid. It doesn't open until 7:00 AM, so they're in for a little bit of a wait. I hope they enjoyed their lead.

3:29 AM. Dennis and Andrew. Dennis describes the trip as "a father's dream," and says that he and Andrew will be "talking about this when [he's] ninety."

3:33 AM. Teri and Ian. She announces as they drive off that their goal is to make it clear that there's nothing wrong with being fifty-ish. Of course, there is something wrong with being bossy, rude, and annoying, but there's going to be plenty of time, not to mention opportunity, for us to talk about that. There is also something deeply wrong with that hat Ian is wearing, but I'm trying to lay off the hats this year, lest it become as old, used-up, dried-out, overdone, and hoary as the Rally Monkey. Suffice it to say that when someone on the forums pointed out that it looked like it came from the French Foreign Legion Surplus Store (heh), I realized that that's where I've seen it -- in those Pepe Le Pew cartoons where he escapes his lovelorn ennui by giving his life to serve. Anyway, Teri loudly congratulates herself for finding the entire city they're going to on the map. Yeah, good one, Meriwether.

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Amazing Race

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