Amazing Race
Triumph And Loss

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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Thank You India, Thank You Providence

Esquire at the train station. After briefly mentioning both Milan and Bologna, the boys decide to go to Rome as well. In other news -- and I hate to say it -- I hate these knit hats almost as much as the other hats. "There are Bert and Ernie," says Brennan as they approach the platform. As the teams board the train, Bill seems to pause, noting an older lady who's struggling with opening the door of the train compartment. Joe impatiently snots, "Just get on, just get on." Do the Guidos really need to negatively affect their karma any more by mistreating old ladies? The boys follow them onto the train.

Drew, in the glider. "Oh, boy, oh, boy. Holy…mackerel. Oh-ho-ho…oh, my goodness…oh, wow…oh, my goodness…holy fuck…oh, my goodness…holy [expletive deleted while lip movement not visible]…ah, ha ha ha!" No, really. That's what he said. I just do the transcribing around here.

Momily, biking. Kenny, biking. Kevin and Drew, saying goodbye to Uncle Junior and running from the airfield. Momily at the train station. Emily is wearing two pigtails today, and incidentally, that's a safe look on almost any girl, because it's so endearing in concept that people will cut you big slack on the execution. They read the clue, and Nancy is jazzed about going to India. Yeah, you're right. That's gonna look a little ironic later. Lenny and Karyn get to the train station, too.

Kevin and Drew, in the cab. "A piece of string on the windshield is the compass for that airplane," Drew explains. "If it's hangin' straight, that means you're going straight, and you're going in the right direction. And then we're up there, he goes, 'Oh, but the string, it don't work now, because it's-a wet.'" (This cracks Kevin up.) Drew, laughing, goes on, "So I'm like, 'Oh, that's great. What are we usin' now that the string's not workin'?' Real sophisticated piece of equipment." Kevin: "Seventy-six years old." Drew: "God bless him." If you didn't see this sequence, you have no idea how funny it was. It was laugh-out-loud, spill-your-drink funny, is how funny it was.

Shower-Fresh gets to the train station. They notice that they've taken the last envelope, and -- hey, that's right! They're in last place. Eek! Kevin takes charge of the situation inside involving himself and Drew as well as Momily and Lenny/Karyn. (And boy, if I'd spent any part of the last week intimating that Kevin had "suspicious" motivations in choosing the teams who were part of the Fratilyesque alliance, I'd be feeling pretty silly right about now -- wouldn't you?) Kevin thinks that it would be better to actually find out whether they need to go all the way back to Rome before they go ahead do it, because he suspects that Milan might be just fine. (In fairness to the Guidos and Esquire, they also had the chance to catch an earlier flight to Rome than these people would now have to wait for, so they might not have had as much motivation to find Rome alternatives.) He gets on the phone to inquire about flights, and he finds one. Everybody's eating. Drew offers Kevin a Tic-Tac, and Kevin tells him to go outside so he can hear the lady from the airline. The train is getting ready to leave, so Nancy hangs back with Kevin and sends Em with Lenny to the platform. As the phone conversation drags on, Kevin tells Karyn to go tell Drew he might need to make a scene to get the train conductor to wait for him. What does Karyn do? She goes right out to the platform and yells, "He might need for you to make a scene!" Excuse me, but you might not want to advertise your intent to make a scene before you make one. Karyn is not suited to espionage. ["Karyn is 'not suited to' any career involving contact with people, really." -- Sars] It's all very tense -- will Kevin get off the phone before the train leaves? Will they hold the train for him? Will Karyn keep blowing everybody's cover? Can Drew delay the train? Incidentally, for all the talk of scene-making, all they really do is plead with the train people not to leave yet, because they've got somebody else coming. It's not really that complicated.

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Amazing Race

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