Amazing Race

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We Are No Longer in the Bible Belt
t enough money left in the music budget to get the rights to a more thematically appropriate song like, say, "Here, There and Everywhere." I like the band, though. Non-Lennon sings with a German accent and his glasses are wrong, and Paul McCartnot plays his Hofner bass right-handed, but it's all just off enough to make it charming as opposed to creepy. Plus they can stop on a dime whenever a team jumps on the mat. The band's Paul steps off the bandstand to act as the greeter, and Louie announces that he's no longer a sheep but a wolf, even adding a howl. Phil tells them they're team number one, which thrills them so much that it spills onto Phil. Phil says they've each won a $5,000 Discover gift card, which is the ideal gift for people who hate to shop for presents but aren't quite tacky enough to just give cash. Louie interviews, "We made bad decisions in the beginning. We're not doing that any more." Okay, I'm happy for them, but they've won one leg, out of the four they said they'd have won by now. Let's wait and see if they can keep it up.

Steve reads the clue about sharing a boot of beer and says, "I would love to!" Except maybe for the "sharing" part. Allie says in an interview that her dad's been craving a beer the whole trip. In the bar, she settles down to watch him drink.

The Cowboys get their third, fourth, and fifth targets without missing, and leave the soccer stadium in third place. They're soccer savants! They interview that it was their first time on a soccer field, and Cord checks it off on what must be a growing list of firsts for them on this trip.

Lucky, lucky Allie gets to drink about the last fluid ounce of beer and her dad's spit before they get their clue, again in second place. "I've drank more beer than that in an hour, who cares," Steve shrugs. Nice to see he's a happy drunk. Don't worry, we'll see other varieties later.

Brent and Caite get in a cab to the soccer stadium. Joe and Heidi reach the sauerkraut restaurant, and before getting started, Joe wants to know how long the song is. Nobody tells him, and if it were me, it would be beside the point. Because I don't care how long the polka is, if it's combined with sauerkraut, it's going to go on forever. They just get their plate brought to them and the song starts. Heidi interviews that they have experience with sauerkraut at tailgate parties and what not, but they knew they had to finish on the first try. Which they do, and get out of there in fourth place.

Jordan and Jeff are heading back from their involuntary side journey, Jeff complaining the whole way. Carol and Brandy get to the restaurant and sit down, also wondering how long they have. Brandy interviews that Carol's normally a quick eater, but that was not the case here. Carol blames it on her gag reflex. The standard joke about gag reflexes that would normally go here doesn't really apply to Carol, and that's probably just as well.

Dan and Jordan arrive at the soccer stadium and Dan interviews that he was hoping for a soccer challenge. I'm sure the race planners were thinking that making racers play soccer would give them a taste of a "foreign" sport and all, but some of these racers are young enough to have been kids when soccer moms were invented, Dan being one of them. He gets two pretty quickly, although when Jordan kicks one over the goal, Dan lectures, "Jord, let's stop wasting balls and time." I'm sure Jordan appreciates the dating advice.

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Amazing Race

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