Amazing Race

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We Are No Longer in the Bible Belt

Brandy licks their plate and shows the waiter her empty mouth. He nods and gives them their clue to Haifisch Bar. "Thank God for sauerkraut," Brandy says. God's like, "Don't look at Me, that was the other guy."

The brothers have just scored their fifth goal, so they're off to Haifisch Bar. The Cowboys and Joe|Heidi are already on their way there. Heidi rushes in so fast she drops her scarf on the curb and it's not even clear whether they go back for it. I guess they can pick it up on the way out, or take it as a lesson that you never wear something on the Amazing Race that can't be zipped, buttoned, snapped, strapped, glued, velcroed, or clamped to your person (I'm still trying to figure out which of those verbs applies to Jet's hat). Jet and Cord find the clue sign first, and Cord's going to add another first: "I never drank a beer in my whole life," he says. Joe and Heidi get their beer after the Cowboys do, despite a lot of rushed, panicky casting about in the bar. Or perhaps because of it.

Steve and Allie are at the Reeperbahn, looking for Indra. The band is playing the same song as they check in as team number two. Clearly Steve and Allie never heeded the part of the song that goes, "Wait a minute, wait a minute."

The two teams back at the bar are struggling with the beer-boot in different ways: the Cowboys simply hate the taste of it, and Joe keeps having to fire off these lengthy, humid burps that sound like a giant wet sponge being ripped in half. But he and Heidi finish next, and they're soon out on the sidewalk while he makes her read the clue to the camera because he's burping too much to get through it on his own. They leave Jet and Cord behind, and leave me wondering why his nickname for her seems to be "Pie."

Jordan and Jeff finally arrive at the sauerkraut restaurant, and Jeff tells the band to "Play as slow as you can. Like one hour long." Because they've got an hour to spare. The music starts, and Jordan holds her nose as she eats. And then her ears. Normally that's the kind of thing I make fun of her for, but maybe she just likes polka as much as I do.

Brent and Caite arrive at the soccer stadium "I've played soccer since I was five," she interviews. "It's my number-one sport and I'm reeeeally good at it." See? She does score a target pretty much right away.

The last notes of the "Sauerkraut Polka" are played for Jordan and Jeff while they've still got a good-sized dollop sitting on the plate in front of them. Without any discussion, Jeff gets up from the table, burping, "See you later, sauerkraut." Jordan can follow or not, I guess. They're both pretty upset in the cab to the soccer stadium. "Hopefully somebody got a penalty," Jordan says. "Hopefully somebody fell off a bridge, with cement shoes," Jeff says. "That's our hope right now." He's kidding, but I wouldn't put that past some of these teams.

Suddenly Caite's legs seem to give out on her in the middle of the soccer task. Brent says it's probably just from sitting on a plane fifteen hours and then running around, but she's frustrated to the point of tears. Last week it was her gut, now it's her legs. It would suck to be the youngest person on the race and yet be the one plagued by physical breakdowns. "I've been playing soccer since I was five years old and it's pissing me off!" she says. Aaaand now she's five again.

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Amazing Race

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