Amazing Race
We Got A Gnome! We Got A Gnome!

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Happy Turkey Day

In Delhi, Rob remarks that he's glad to be ditching Ron and Kelly, who were "slowing [them] up." Because while you're bragging unduly, you might as well get it all out of the way at once. They go to the travel agency to look for a flight that can get them to Istanbul sooner. Meanwhile, Uchenna and Joyce and Meredith and Gretchen head for, presumably, a travel agency where they can get their earlier tickets. When Ron and Kelly emerge from the airport, they realize that their alliance-mates have deserted them. In the cab on the way to a Turkish Air office, Ron talks about how amazing it is to see all these things, and how it makes him even more aware that he still has a lot of things he wants to do before he gets married and has kids with Kelly. Kelly is having none of it: "I really am not going to sit around and wait for somebody to say that everything else in life is more important. I'm worth more than that, I think." She says she's "ready to be with [him]," and she won't "sit around and wait." Ultimatums are so romantic. There's nothing like getting a guy to marry you through threats. Who doesn't dream of a proposal accompanied by those magic words, "Well, okay"?

And then Kelly uncorks this charmer, which you may think of as the beginning of this week's episode of Really Bad Idea Theater: "Your patterns in life show that you don't make commitments." Ron is a little flummoxed and can't hold back an outbreak of sarcasm: "You're right…I was only committed to the military…" Kelly: "And you got out of that one." This is where the scene seems to go into slow motion as we all sit there and say, "She's not really going to do this, right? She isn't. I mean, she wouldn't. Even she wouldn't." Ron, wondering whether she's actually saying what he thinks she's saying: "How did I get out of that one?" Kelly: "By bein' a POW."

Oh, Lord. She said it.

"You left your commitment early," she scolds. "Oh, yeah," he says in disbelief. "I was…what I did is I crashed myself, I went through hell and torture, so that I could get out of the Army early. I almost died -- but I knew I was getting out of the Army early if I survived it!" He's laughing at the absurdity of what she's suggesting, even as you can see whatever remaining affection he has ever had for her drain out of him. ["About goddamn time." -- Sars] He tells her he's not arguing over this, and is "sick of fighting all the time." You know, as far as Kelly's comments on his POW status, not only do I think that's the meanest thing I've ever heard on this show, that may be the most jaw-droppingly unfeeling treatment of one person by another that I've ever seen on reality television. To me, it's about up there with dating someone whose previous partner died of cancer and being like, "Well, you can't commit -- you got out of that relationship by having her die of cancer." There are certain things that your emotional emergency brake should be adequate to keep you from throwing in a person's face, and his POW experience is one of them. It's just senseless and awful, not to mention…I mean, it's basically an abandonment of the relationship, because no one who cares about you would ever show you so little mercy. Even if her theory weren't entirely absurd, which it is, it would take about a milligram of human kindness to know you don't throw that at him. Why would you do that? Why would you be so…cold…toward somebody you're supposed to care about? To me, that comment is such an act of emotional abandonment that just the fact that she said it -- not to mention her failure to be mortified the minute she heard it come out of her mouth -- basically constitutes breaking up with him. It's an emotional "fuck you" that's so profound that I don't really see how you'd ever come back from it.

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Amazing Race

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