Previously on Don't Lucknow, But They're Gaining On You: The teams headed to India, and Rob and Alex both played a round of Help Me But Not That Other Guy, with Rob emerging a few minutes ahead because winning the favor of the lady with the computer is a little better than winning the favor of the lady with the cell phone, even if you're not (just) looking to get around the content filters. Ron and Kelly continued to prove that their flag-waving diplomacy was of the Bolton variety, although she didn't come up with anything as good this time as "piece-of-trash redneck," much to the disappointment of those who thought "POW/Pageant Queen" sounded like a hell of an amusing fight card, what with the glued-on swimsuit and the training in hand-to-hand combat. The cornered Asharfi showed himself. Gretchen took so long to finish the Boxblock that by the time she was finished, the season had already wrapped, aired, and earned her a throng of local fans who followed her all over India, shooting the season's continuity all to hell. Phil waited at the mat at the end of the show, but it turned out that it wasn't the end of the leg, because we have to keep the season going for a while, because God forbid threecap season should end prematurely and leave me time to do the dishes. Leann Chin, Lean Cuisine, and the fine people at Cheerios all thank you for the business, CBS. (I trust you have already received the enormous floral wreath from Jose Cuervo.) Phil sprained his eyebrow, meaningfully intoned, "This was the fifth injury in this...muscle-in-my-face," and was rushed to emergency surgery. Five teams left. Who will be out...next?

Credits. Gretchen looks purty in the credits. It just goes to show that everyone looks better when her face isn't covered with scabs. [BOMP.]

Commercials. Okay, the Michelin man is creepy enough. The Michelin dog? Really not appropriate. There's a fine line between lovable cartoon imps and nightmarish monsters of marketing.

Aaaaand, Lucknow! Rob and Amber relive their moment of running past a clothesline where the day's sheets and blankets are drying and stepping up to the mat where Phil is waiting. Again, he tells them that they probably think the leg is over, and then he tells them that it's not, and that he's got their next clue. "You're still racing," he says. They recover fairly quickly, and they rip the clue. It tells them to go to the train station across the street, where they'll board a train and wait for a clue. The transportation spoon-feeding certainly is continuing in full force. Now they're not even saying, "Go here." Just, "If we give you directions, you'll just lose them, so get on this thing and don't ask any questions." Rob and Amber, "Currently in 1st Place," head outside and across the street.

Ron and Kelly approach the mat on their bicycle rickshaw, and Kelly interviews that of course, when they heard that there would be a mat and Phil, they assumed there was a pit stop. Because...for a person who presumably once applied Aqua Net to individual hairs, she is surprisingly not so detail-oriented. We watch as they head up the stairs and land on the mat. Phil hands them their clue, and they open it and go. Heading in next are Uchenna and Joyce, and when they get the news, Joyce works up some phony indignation and says, "What a trick!" Because she's awesome already. They rip the clue and go. Joyce tells us that they were, and I am quoting directly, "like, 'Whaaat?'" And she says it in a high, squeaky voice, too. God. I'm like that every day.

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