Commercials. If my sister and I had had access to a full complement of audiovisual equipment when my family traveled all over the western United States, I have to wonder whether we would have taken the initiative to create the first mix tape of my entire life, which was made in 1981 by using a plain old tape recorder that we just turned on while we played the radio, meaning that you could hear us laughing occasionally during the songs. We played it on that same crummy tape recorder, resting it on the seat between us, for a good six weeks. I think we taped most of it during the Dick Clark National Music Survey, which we used to listen to on Sunday nights. I remember that among other classics, the tape had "The Waiting," "Jesse's Girl," the John Cougar non-classic "Shakedown," and "Morning Train," by Sheena Easton. Oh, and that horrible disco Beatles cover medley, if you remember that one. My point is this: Do not outfit your vehicle with insane quantities of stuff to keep your kids from having to entertain themselves, or they will miss some of the truly formative experiences of youth, like "Morning Train."

In the Jon and Kelly car, the topic has returned to the lost Fast Forward and the frustration thereof. Kelly says she couldn't believe the Fast Forward was gone. "We were so stressed out...we definitely said some hateful things," she acknowledges in a voice-over. Jon, demonstrating her point, goes on to riff about how he's sure the clowns took the Fast Forward, probably at the behest of a whining Millie and Chuck, who just didn't want Jon and Kelly to get it. Wow. Quite a cross to bear, being located at the precise geographical center of the universe like that. As he asses it up but good, Kelly puts her foot down. "Jon, listen. Would you please, please, please quit being a big jerk? You're being a jerk to me, you're being a jerk to everybody else...just get over it." Jon, in a voice-over, says that he "would love to be just the perfect gentleman," but that "we're not at charm school trying to learn how to be gentlemen...we're racing." Of course, being a "gentleman" (read: non-dickhead) and being a good racer are hardly mutually exclusive, but I don't exactly expect BuffJon to pick up the subtleties. Kelly tells him she wants to finish and "go out like normal people instead of being bitter. We had fun..." He disagrees, insisting that this is no longer fun. I understand where he's coming from, but...suck it up, there, sweetheart.