Amazing Race
We're Not At Charm School Learning How To Be A Gentleman, We're Racing

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A+ | Grade It Now!
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To sleep, perchance to scream

Millie is first to get to the clue box, and even though it's directly in front of her nose, she seems to almost not see it. It was at this point that I started to formulate what would become the theme of the episode in my mind: Millie Has Lost Her Ever-Lovin' Mind. I mean, you talk about Who missing a clue box...this one is practically up her nose, and she goes right by it. She thanks the Lord for the clue box when she eventually does find it. (The Lord: "Every day when I...make my way to the tub-by...I find a little fellow who's cute and yellow and chubby...rub-a-dub-dubby...") When Chuck arrives at the clue box, they read the clue, which sends them to the Trushidup Palm Oil Plantation. Wow...palm oil is really bad for you. They couldn't go to a canola oil plantation? Phil explains that the plantation requires a 145-mile trek that they'll have to drive and navigate for themselves. As Chuck notes, the clue specifies that a map is included. They dash off.

The rest of the teams bunch up at the clue box. Just as they do, Kelly and Jon pull up outside the entrance in their taxi. Jon, with impeccable timing, absolutely has to pee right this minute, so he excuses himself by the side of the road. Watch for spitting cobras! Kelly, of course, is telling him to hurry up the entire time -- which, in my experience, is not exactly going to speed things along, if you know what I'm saying. She'd be better off telling him stories about going over Niagara Falls in a barrel. "I shouldn't have drank those two cups of coffee," he chuckles. They run in and start looking for flags.

Millie and Chuck's small lead at the clue box doesn't last long, because Team Who flies past them on the path out of the park. See, as long as all they have to do is run in a straight line, that's when they really excel. Jon and Kelly, meanwhile, aren't seeing flags, but they can hear the other teams running, so they try to go in the direction they think the sound is coming from. "You see any flags, Kel?" he asks her. "No," she says, puzzled. "I don't see any flags anywhere." They continue tromping around as the Chipsters and clowns make their way out of the woods. Millie and Chuck approach the exit, and he yells back to her, "Come on, Millie! Suck it up, let's go!" Millie, literally doubled over and looking half-dead from the run, does her best to comply.

In the parking lot, Team Who is first to get into their car and get going, with David driving and Jeff trying to read the map they got with their clue. Close behind them are Chuck and Millie, looking plenty miserable already. The Chipsters and clowns don't take long to follow. Once they're on the way, ClownJon, who's driving, mentions the need to put on the defroster. In the Who car, David is having the same problem. As it turns out, it's fairly cold outside, and the teams are very hot and sweaty inside the car, so there's all kinds of condensation going on. Moreover, it's very sunny and they look to be driving directly into the sun, so they're basically blinded when the windows get fogged up. Jeff wants David to roll the window down. Millie and Chuck have problems as well. The only team unaffected is the Chipsters, and we see Chip proudly note that he, loveable dweeb that he is, turned on the defroster all the way back at the parking lot. Ta-da! I'm telling you, Chip is the responsible dad of this entire group. Chuck and Millie wind up in such a struggle with the fog that he actually gets out of the car in order to get the windshield cleaned off. He also asks for Millie's shirt. Yeah, I've heard that one before. "I have to defrost the windshield -- give me your shirt! It's an emergency!" You know, after the first five or six times it happens, you start to realize it's a scam. Especially when the guy starts trying to explain about "invisible fog." Anyway, some of the fog is apparently on the outside of the cars and some is on the inside, but if I keep talking about it, bad things will happen, like someone will attempt to explain it to me, and the last thing I want is to understand all the condensation issues of this sequence.

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Amazing Race

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