Amazing Race
We’re Not in Oklahoma No More

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | 73 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
Chile in the Air

After the ads, we get an ironic reverse zoom from a clock tower in the background to Team ER in the foreground, lamenting having broken the number one rule. This comes complete with a black-and-white flashback to them loading their shit into the cab just minutes before. They still have about 26 minutes of their penalty left, but are still hoping they can come in first and win the Express Pass. Trust me, you two, you're better off without it.

Jamal wonders as he struggles with his boat, "What am I doing?" And he doesn't even realize Leo is supposed to be the one doing it. "Slow and steady wins the race," says Rowan. Well, not this one, usually. Tim (Marie's ex, that is) rereads the names of the boats he's supposed to be looking for, knowing they won't be easy to find. Chester is futilely telling his boat to work with him, and an already exhausted Kim says, "I don't have a lot of body strength." Ally asks a dog on a nearby boat for some help, seeming desperate enough to look pretty sincere. Meanwhile, on the dock, Leo remarks how hard this is and that "I feel totally bad for the girls." When he says this, something clicks for Nicky and Ashley, both of whom must recall being left behind at the paragliding launch point earlier -- with Jamal. They suddenly remember that Leo was up in the air while Jamal was on the ground, so Leo should be out on the water now, and point this out to him. "You didn't read the clue correctly," Ashley says, as the Twitter hashtag "#READTHECLUE" pops up on the screen. Sorry, hashtag, but if I get on Twitter while I'm trying to write a recap I end up with a thirty-minute penalty of my own as I catch up with my feed. Leo immediately starts hollering at Jamal to come back while Ashley laughs at him. And Jamal ignores Leo, yelling back at him to shut up. There is no "Afghanimal" in "team"!

Rowan spots the Doña Hilda. "Now we just gotta get there," he says. Tim has his five fish and as he rows back, Marie calls out to ask whether he has five fish on his boat. "Yeah, you can't even stop annoying me from the dock," Tim complains. Seemed like a valid question to me. Meanwhile, Rowan gets his five fish as well. At the Pit Stop, the clock tower reads eleven minutes past noon, and Nicole & Travis have just under twenty minutes left in their penalty as Travis hopes that other teams screw up, too. But Tim is already done, and he and Marie have their clue in what is for now second place. Plus Tim already knows where the Pit Stop is, because they passed it on the way. Oddly, Marie doesn't have anything to say about his having done something right. They start running down the street, passing the still-waiting ER docs and reaching the mat as Travis says, "Dang." Phil tells them about Nicole and Travis's penalty, which is still going on, so Tim & Marie are team number one. Phil hands over the two Express Passes, reminding them that they have to give the second one to another team before the end of the fifth leg. Marie takes this as vindication. "Proof that all that yelling, hello! It works!" How does she think it worked on Nicole & Travis, though?

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Amazing Race

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