Amazing Race

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Light a Candle, Don't Curse the Dimness

Dan finds his scroll in a sitting room, and holds a long match up to it, with no luck. But Cheyne has rotisseried his scroll just long enough to make his clue visible. Same with Ericka. They both hurry back out to the lobby to meet up with their partners.

Gary finishes what I'm sure is the ninth verse of his sauna song and suggests to Matt that this could be a hit in Minnesota. "You'd need a keg fridge over in the corner, though," Matt points out. Yes, and put it over an ice-fishing hole, and serve lutefisk, and have a DVD changer loaded up with Fargo and the Grumpy Old Men movies and make the towels Viking purple and have lookalikes of Prince and Garrison Keillor hanging around outside. Whoa, sorry, don't know where that came from. At last their five minutes are up, to the relief of the locals. They get dressed and get out. "We're in dead last, got a lot to make up," Matt remarks. But don't worry, they're about to get right on not doing that.

The Black Heads are back in duel mode as father and son try keys outside until they get the door open. Gary tells Matt to do this one, which will prove to be a fateful decision. As before, Matt's entrance signals the end of the duel, and he rereads the clue: "Descend into the cellar, where you may choose a candel-a-bra." Yes, as with the word "sauna," he is pronouncing it in a way with which most people are not familiar, but in this case it is not technically more correct. Indeed, it may be technically grounds to revoke his high school diploma. Everyone in the room laughs, which has to sting coming from a bunch of LARPers. "I have no idea what a candle-a-bra is," he tells the room.

The two lead teams are running down the street, stopping only briefly for directions from a shopkeeper. Back inside the building, Sam accidentally holds his scroll at the correct angle, and is able to read it, which he does out loud in a cheesy accent for some reason. Back to the lobby, where he and Dan leave behind an increasingly nervous Big Easy and Gary. Flight Time is still struggling to see his clue as well as the camera can, and finally finds the right spot in the right part of the room facing the right way. He and Big Easy are finally out of there in fourth place. "You big-headed it," Big Easy says on their way out the door. If that means "overthought it," I agree with Big Easy's assessment. Gary, meanwhile, is left helpless in the lobby. Downstairs, one of the Black Heads says of Matt, in English, "That guy needs a drink!" Matt chuckles good-naturedly, but he's still stumped. "Are you a candel-a-bra?" he asks the lute player, who just shakes his head. None of the other guys will help him either, because that's not their job. They are not tour guides, they are not facilitators, they are not candel-a-bras. "Am I missing something?" Matt says. What do you think?

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Amazing Race

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