Amazing Race

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Light a Candle, Don't Curse the Dimness

But after the ads, he breaks it down like the etymologist that all Montana farmers are deep down inside themselves, and realizes he's looking for something candle-related. "The one right in the middle of the fricking table," he realizes, and snags it while his hosts raise their glasses in salute, voicing a toast that Matt gamely does his best to return but which comes out as a mushy vowel, to my amusement. Off he goes in search of room 88. "I got it now," he says. Don't get ahead of yourself.

On the grounds of a fancy medieval castle with -- you guessed it-- a tower, Ericka is the first to spot the clue box standing at the edge of a lawn. As they and Meghan|Cheyne open their clues, Phil narrates, "The Estonian countryside is scattered with wild wetlands called bogs." Indeed, the low-level aerial footage we're seeing makes the land look like a giant sponge. Phil goes on to say that the Detour choice is between "Serve" and "Sling." Serve is just what it sounds like: a game of mud volleyball against a team of two Estonian locals. The mud is thick and waist-deep, and they have to score five points for the next clue. Sling requires them to stand ankle-deep in a different mud puddle and use a slingshot to launch "assorted vegetables" at a target with a moose on it. A hit will cause the collapse of the table of cabbage attached to the moose sign. The cascading cabbage will reveal their next clue. See, I told you this was going to get dada. Meghan and Cheyne go for the volleyball, as if you couldn't predict that just from looking at them. Both teams run for taxis. Cheyne spots a taxi first, and as both teams run for it, Brian makes a controversial move: "Tell him to call another one if you can," he says to the other team. Cheyne agrees. Ericka is stunned that Brian is "giving our taxi away," but Brian insists that Cheyne saw it first. Which Ericka doesn't believe, even though the footage seems to support Brian. Meanwhile, Meghan and Cheyne have just finished telling their cabbie where they're going, and adding that he doesn't need to call another cab for the Americas. "We don't care about them. Forget the other taxi, just forget the other taxi," Meghan insists. Now would be a good time to play back Brian's philosophy of how the race is a big game of karma. Because with apologies to Miss Alli, I think we're at the point in the season where karma is saying to God, "You didn't use all the hot water, did You?"

Matt has found his room and his scroll, but he's doing a Flight Time with it and thus getting nowhere. Oh, he does not have time for this.

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Amazing Race

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