Previously on Meat Is [Gastrointestinal] Murder: The teams raced from Santiago to Mendoza. Debbie and Bianca discovered that stolen cabs are hard to spot, but not as hard as stealth mountain ranges. After the geographically challenged knuckleheads drove two hours out of their way, blithely ignoring mountains and other well-concealed hints such as the sun, the ocean, maps, baffled locals, road signs, and the Star of Bethlehem, they looked like they were almost certainly the odds-on favorites for Philimination. The plot thickened (and sickened), however, at a gross-out Roadblock involving the ingestion of vast quantities of questionable meat. The good news was that if you finished it, not only did you get your clue, but you would be initiated into one of the nation's finest fraternities, and you would be entitled to free beer and Hooters buffalo wings for life. At any rate, when Rob weighed a four-hour penalty against three hours of eating and three days of illness, he began to hunt for a way to spare both his stomach and his position in the game. Ultimately, he convinced Ray and an easily cowed (har har) Deana to punt as well. Ray and Deana then convinced Meredith and Gretchen, which wasn't that difficult, because, like, there isn't that much Metamucil in the world. Before anybody knew it, a few teams with valiant and determined carnivores (Alex, Uchenna, Ron, um...some brother or other) were heading for the pit stop, a few possibly wily chickens were cooling their heels in the penalty box, and Patrick and Susan and Bianca and Debbie were fighting it out for last place. Even the applicable penalties couldn't keep those teams from a final showdown, and when it came right down to it, Patrick scarfed down the meat just in time to eke out a victory, sending Bianca and Debbie on a ride to Sequesterville on the back of their own putrid navigation skills. Have fun roller-skating!
Credits. All of a sudden, the fact that Susan kind of backhands Patrick in the credits is totally creepy to me. I smell some very uncomfortable Thanksgivings in their future. [BOMP.]
Commercials. I realize I discussed Coach K last week, but man, I still love him, even though he's kind of a mean old dude now, and even though we somehow lost to Michigan State, those punks, and will somebody please get rid of North Carolina and their sad-ass powder-blue uniforms, because every time I see them, I want to throw up. Ahem.