Amazing Race
What A Gaucho You Are

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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Horses, horses, horses, horses

Meredith and Gretchen get their tickets for the 2:30 flight out of Mendoza. Then Ray and Deana, then Susan and Patrick. Upon seeing the other teams, Gretchen says, "We're still here! The ménage a trois!" Woooow, yuck. Forget what I said about there being too much bleach, like, anywhere. I'm just going to say this: Ray and Gretchen, and the audio thereof. See what I mean? I may never sleep again. The three trailing teams note that they will all be in a big tie as they get out of the Buenos Aires airport.

Commercials. I'm not even a shoe person, and I still noticed a shoe sale commercial in here that made me sit up and take notice. And it was because of a pink shoe. It may be that my essence is being altered.

We are still in the Mendoza airport when we come back, and Ray is still complaining. He says that they're on the flight with "an old couple and two people that weigh a buck-twenty." Guess what, asshole? You're there, fair and square, so choke on it. Their flight takes off.

Train to Tigre. Alex and Lynn look at a map with a local, trying to find the docks. Then they decide to go to the front of the train "so nobody sees." Sees what? "I don't want anyone to see on the map," Lynn says. They then talk about how up in the front of the train, they "can get off first." Which probably nobody else will think of, ha-HA! Brilliant. But then -- "Damn it," they say when they see that the plan to be in the front of the train has been swiped by that sneaky Rob and Amber, who also think it might be an advantage in a race to get off the train first. Rob is such a manipulator! He is so manipulative! Damn him! Alex tells us that they don't talk to Rob and Amber, and Lynn adds that they're "kind of like an STD; you've got to protect yourself from them, and the only way you can do it is just keep yourself away from them." Um. Okay. That's clearly Lynn's big joke on which he worked very hard, but it's missing something. Namely, a punch line. "They're like an STD" isn't a bad setup, but that's not a whole joke. They need to be like an STD in some particular way, and "you have to keep yourself away from them" isn't any good, because that isn't particularly distinctive to STDs -- that's applicable to any bad thing. "The only way you can protect yourself is to put a barrier between you and them" would have been okay. Or: "Not only do you not want anything to do with them; you don't want anything to do with anyone they've already touched." Or: "You don't even know they've infected you until it's already too late." You see my point. It's like saying, "Alex and Lynn are like a car accident. HA HA HA!" And then walking away, you know? Anyway.

The teams hop off the train at the Tigre train station. They run to the docks, which appear to be a short-to-middling jog away, and there, they find a clue box, leading to a Detour. The choices are Shipwreck or Island. In either task, you hop in a motorboat with a couple of guide/drivers and search. In Shipwreck, you search a seven-square-mile area for an abandoned ship you have to identify only from an old picture. In Island, you use a map and travel four miles of waterways looking for a particular island. Huh. This seems like a Detour that really is kind of a distinction without a difference -- it's the same skill either way. I don't think I've ever seen a Detour where the pros and cons of the options are...the same, basically. Lynn and Alex take the island; Rob and Amber take the boat. Before he gets into his boat, Rob verifies that the driver speaks English, "more or less." Heh. Probably about as much as you can expect. These two teams take off, in the lead at the Detour. Uchenna and Joyce, Ron and Kelly, and Brian and Greg take longer to get to the docks they need, so they're a little farther behind.

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Amazing Race

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