Amazing Race
What A Gaucho You Are

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Horses, horses, horses, horses

In the Ron and Kelly cab, Ron thinks that no time is the wrong time to insult your taxi driver, so he comments that "Pokey is takin' his time." Meanwhile, Lynn and Alex's cab stops at a gas station, and they can't tell at first whether their guy needs directions or needs gas. Unfortunately, when they see him standing around talking to a bunch of other people, it occurs to them that this is not a simple refueling. I think the horseshoe up Rob's ass may have some abilities beyond simply the bringing of good luck.

Uchenna and Joyce, on the other hand, are heading straight for the pit stop. Welcome, Uchenna and Joyce, you are team number three. And also, you rock. And also, we're sorry about what your mean companies did to your retirement plans. Let's pass the hat!

Next? Welcome, Ron and Kelly. You are team number four. I have nothing to say to you, much as you have nothing to say to each other, or to the world. It's nice to know that neither adversity nor the receipt of a crown necessarily renders you interesting.

Lynn yells at Alex as they come up on the mat as team number five. Lynn makes a stab at graciousness in saying that "luck is part of the game," which is better than some ways he could have behaved, but I'd be interested in whether he would say the same about times when they've been lucky, or times when other people have been or will be unlucky. After all, when you go from first to fifth, that's sort of the easiest time to acknowledge the cruel hand of fate, right? In other words, that was a nice response, but we'll see how it holds up.

And now, the second flight lands in Buenos Aires. Susan and Patrick, Ray and Deana, Gretchen and Meredith. "There's no way I'm losin' to them," says Ray of Gretchen and Meredith once he's in his cab. "They're a couple decades beyond where they need to be." Yeah, let's hear from you some more, Crank With 27-Year-Old Girlfriend Who Is Himself A Craggy 44. They're barely "a couple decades" older than you are, you maroon. Having a girlfriend who's in her twenties doesn't mean your team is in its twenties. And then finally, Patrick and Susan get in a taxi. Ray is still blathering on about how the other two teams they're stuck with are weak, and how painful it would be to be eliminated over those two teams. Of course, according to Miss Alli's Theory Of You Should Suffer Whatever Fate You Earnestly Declare Yourself Too Good For, I immediately want Ray and Deana eliminated even more than I already did. I think their driver agrees with me, because he starts by taking them to the wrong place. Or maybe he just doesn't support ageism. This delay allows Meredith and Gretchen to get to the clock tower first, in spite of the many, many decades past "where they need to be" they find themselves. They get the clue; they get on the train. Ray and Deana are just behind them. Susan and Patrick, however, are a bit too far behind, and don't get the same train as the other two teams. In a weird development, however, Susan and Patrick are so convinced that they got to the train as fast as they possibly could have that they assume that the other teams must be behind them and not in front of them. So they're praying for the doors of the train to close without another team getting on, because they don't realize that there are no more teams. That's so painful when that happens.

Commercials. Christina Applegate certainly has staying power; I'll give her that. She may be eternal. Someday, it's going to be, like, Don't Tell The United Way The Meals On Wheels Driver's Dead.

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Amazing Race

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