Amazing Race
What A Gaucho You Are

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Miss Alli: B | Grade It Now!
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Horses, horses, horses, horses

Lynn and Alex are crowing about the other teams being "hours behind [them]," and one hopes that they're talking about the meat-skippers, and not all the other teams, because if they're thinking everyone is hours behind them, they're going to be surprised when they feel hot air on the backs of their necks and realize that it is other people, breathing. Elsewhere, Uchenna compares trying to get directions to "giving birth." Because...of the level of difficulty? Because...it takes forever? I don't know...do directions come with epidurals? Whatever. I do find myself a little surprised at the comparison to childbirth coming from a couple with fertility problems, although maybe that's precisely it, and they're just super-healthy about it and use that as their catch-all for "things that are very hard to do." I don't really care, because they're so nice that it doesn't matter. Oh, and he notes that the speed limit is 40 miles an hour, and we were told the ranch was about 25 miles away, so there's one piece of the puzzle that is the weird timing of the early part of this leg.

4:52 AM. Brian and Greg, Ron and Kelly, leaving together as they arrived. They note that they have $45, which I know is just enough to buy a ceramic Garfield lamp, because I watched way too much The Price Is Right in college. (The car ends in a zero, nitwit!) Ron explains in a voice-over that he and Kelly don't have "a long-term alliance" with anyone in the race. He neglects to add that they may not even have one with each other. Ron then compares the personal dynamics of the race unfavorably to the military, where you can trust everyone. And...that's a very astute point, you know, because reality television and the military do have certain ways in which they are not identical. Others include reality television's lack of uniforms, the inalienable right to quit if you so choose, and the fact that sometimes you have to stop and yank a llama or eat some saliva glands. You almost never have to do that shit in the Army. The Army is so easy! Anyway, Ron and Kelly get in their car, followed by Brian and Greg, the Brothers Awesomazov, who...I didn't really get to mention it last week, but I sort of love them. Because if there's one thing I cannot resist, I am telling you, it's a great big dweeb. And two great big dweebs? Running around self-narrating like they're on an episode of World's Wildest Police Videos? Awwwwesome. ["Also, the one that looks like a weird cross between Christian Slater and Chevy Chase? The taller one? I'm going to say…Greg? Is a fox." -- Sars] Anyway, they are optimistic that they can get through the leg making "no mistakes," which of course causes everyone I am watching the show with to immediately predict their booting at the close of the episode. I speculate, in fact, that Fate found this episode completely exhausting, and spent most of it lolling about on its giant waterbed, drinking Propel fitness water and saying, "So many people tempting me, and I can only strike down ONE? Whatever shall I do?"

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Amazing Race

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