Amazing Race
What A Gaucho You Are

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Horses, horses, horses, horses

6:59 AM. Rob and Amber, looking droopy, like they woke up thirty seconds ago. They collect their $45. Rob asks her whether they're allowed to take a different car than they had yesterday so they can get one with more gas in it, but she says they can't, so they get back in yesterday's car and take off. Rob explains the way they wound up in fifth place after he skipped out on the Roadblock, but he says he likes to be in pressure situations, because it causes him to "do bett-ah." Wow, articulate! In the car, Amber longs to catch up to and pass the other four teams, and that's about as much as she can pull together to say about it. If they're not suffering from a case of just-woke-up, then they're suffering from a case of just-got-hit-on-the-head.

Uchenna and Joyce pull into the Roadblock, and Joyce cheerfully agrees to do it. She pauses in front of one of the available horses and asks if it's a "nice horse," and assured that it is, she picks that one. (Horse: "I have a reputation to protect, you know.") Alex, out ahead of her, is jumping right up on his horse as well, as Lynn assures him that "the horses have done this a million times." Heh. True. Not quite as much of a novelty for them as it is for you. "Deep voice and hard kicks," Lynn commands. Oh, the jokes I could make and will not, because unfortunately, I occasionally break out in uncontrolled decency. Anyway, Alex orders Lynn to stand farther away, and I think I would, too, because the odds of Lynn shutting up appropriately in this situation would appear to be very, very tiny. You might need a magnifying glass to see them. Alex makes his way through the course as Joyce approaches. He grabs the ring, but misses the target time by one second. Joyce is just getting on the horse, with Uchenna telling her, "You're a good rider, so no worries." Aw. Where is that guy? Why don't they make that guy? They're always showing me guys in the catalog that I can't actually order, and it always makes the actual available selection look much less inspiring. Anyway, Alex goes through the course again, as Joyce struggles with her spaz of a horse. "You're pulling back," Uchenna cautions her, quite correctly. "Don't pull back, sweetie." Alex runs the course. As Alex continues, Joyce is dumped off the horse and lands hard on the ground. She gets right back up. Because she is awesome. WorldCom so did not deserve her. She asks if she can pick another horse, but they tell her she can't. Golly. That would seem to make horse-picking rather a large part of the task. Anyway, Alex finally finishes the course, and after Lynn puts on a very endearing, if preposterously stereotype-embracing, display of excited prancing and clapping, they open the clue. It tells them to drive 25 miles to Mendoza airport, where they can catch one of two available flights to Buenos Aires. One is at 9:30 AM, and the other is at 2:30 PM. Then, they'll take a taxi to a clock tower, where they'll have to find a guy in a raincoat who's walking around with their clue. Who I think may be Carlos Santana, but don't quote me until you actually see him with a guitar, being followed around by a tone-deaf Antonio Banderas. In their car, Lynn and Alex fret over the sight of Joyce being thrown on the ground. Because she's one of the good people, and they don't want to see any of the good people injured. Injuries are for people who are beating us!

On Joyce's second try on the course, she actually gets through it, but just when she goes for the ring, the horse dumps her off again. Aww. "That horse is just too wild," Uchenna comments, totally siding with his wife over the horse, which, thank you. "Babe, you all right?" "Yeah," she says wearily. "You were doing it," he encourages. "It's just a little bit skittish." He also comments quietly, however, that he wants to get out of there before more teams start showing up.

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Amazing Race

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