Amazing Race
What Happens If I Slip? Am I Just Hanging Off A Cliff?

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Don't read 'em and weep

2:40 PM. Mike and Kathy. They get a local grass-sitter to point Cabo da Roca out on a map for them, and Michael -- who is looking over her shoulder at the map -- says, "It's in...England?" She points out that no, it's in Portugal. In, you know, continental Europe. She points out that it's not really very far. In their cab, Michael supposes that the other teams weren't able to get quick help the way they did. Wrong. But that's all right. Kathy explains, in a voice-over interview that seems rather out of place, that she and Michael love each other, but they don't say so, because "actions speak louder than words." Hmm. I'm wondering what those actions are. On second thought, don't tell me. I don't need to know. I have a feeling Michael would smirk about the actions that speak louder than words in a way that would unsettle me.

2:54 PM. Aaron and Arianne. He voices over that winding up in last place was "a real kick in the ass." Oh, sure. It's always the things you wish were literal that wind up being metaphors. They get a cab. Elsewhere, Teri and Ian are on a footbridge overpass, trying to figure out how to get a taxi. He's yelling at her, because he wants to just move around a lot for the sake of being kinetic, whereas she's actually trying to figure out where she's going. When they get the cab, they excitedly talk over each other a little to the driver, which Ian of course finds appalling, because she should be quiet so he can talk. "Go ahead," he finally passhole-aggressholes. "I can't talk over you." Oh, shut up. But he doesn't. He goes on with this: "The bottom line is, I'm the pilot, she's the navigator. And when I say we fly, we need to fly." Oh, good. I love quasi-military metaphors in a marriage. Of course, in their case, with the authoritarian atmosphere and the hostility and the drab clothing, it certainly does seem to fit.

In the Aahab cab, Aaron explains that they heard from some locals that they should take a bus or a train, and although he and Arianne decided not to do that, he's hoping that some of the other teams did. (Arianne finds him about as interesting as I do, because she is yawning widely.) Cut to...hey, a train! Where Zach is carefully rearranging the contents of the Amazing Purse. "Compact? Check! Mace? Check!"

Jill and John Bon Vito pull up beside the Bald Snark cab. Both roll their windows down. Both call out greetings. "Where are you guys going?" John Vito asks. Gerard shakes his head with a rueful smile. "Can't tell you, guys." Yeah. That's a race for you. You don't actually give instructions to other teams about things you've figured out. Of course, it could it potentially come back and bite Gerard in the ass, I suppose. At any rate, the cabbies were yakking anyway, so it doesn't really matter, because as soon as the Bald Snark cab is gone, John Vito asks the driver where the other cab was headed, and the driver says it was headed to Santa Apolonia. "Santa Apolonia train-o?" Jill says. Oh, oy. "Train-o"? Yeah, that's in my Spanish-English dictionary next to "map-o." I tell you, it hurts my heart. Or, as they say in Spanish, my heart-o. The JVJ driver assures them that continuing in the taxi is faster, so they keep going.

Meanwhile, at the Santa Apolonia Train Station Of D'oh!, the BoB and the Firecop Followers go in to look for a train. Andre and Damon approach the BoB and offer a deal. They can keep up this silliness where BoB tries to ditch them so they can't follow, but instead of that, Firecop would be willing to give them thirty euros to just put up with the following until the end of the train trip. A BoB conference follows. The BoBs decide that since the following seems inevitable, they might as well just take the money. Also, a twin points out that being owed a favor by Firecop might be helpful down the line. Gerard uses his Spanish with the Portuguese train guy to figure out how to get off at the right place and grab cabs. They get on the train, hoping they have a leg up. Yeah, not so much. They all high-five. Or, as it were, slow-five.

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Amazing Race

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