Amazing Race
What If Our Parachute Doesn't Open?

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Once more, with feeling

Tramel and Talicia are brother and sister. They're from Gary, Indiana, which is distracting because it makes me feel like I should hold my breath. I always do when I drive that stretch from Chicago across the top of Illinois and Indiana, because I can just feel my cancer risk increasing with every mile. So I hold my breath. And drive fast. And try not to touch anything. Anyway, Talicia explains that Tramel is "a genius." Hmm. He's not exactly wearing a genius expression, but I suppose we'll let it go for now. She tells us that he's brilliant without having to do any work. He responds that he makes up for his "laziness" by being able to "think on the fly." Eh.

Aaron and Arianne. You may think that they met at the annual meeting of the "This Name Is Your Name, This Name Is My Name" Club, but in fact, they are lifelong friends. In their intro clip, we see them on a basketball court doing that hand-slapping routine that I, at least, learned as an accompaniment to the McDonalds song about "two all beef patties" and so forth. I put it away about twenty years ago and have never needed it again. Somebody was really, really desperate for material that would make them look fun-loving, I fear. Ech. On the boat, they are wearing "Ag" and "Au" periodic-table-knockoff shirts. Pu. (That's putridium, for those of you keeping score in your chemistry texts.) They call themselves "alternative." And as we all know, the number one rule of the word "alternative" is that (say it with me) if you label yourself alternative, then you're not. Radio stations across America have learned this the hard way. Arianne says, in a way she believes is really cute, that they will be willing to "think outside the box." Arianne is dead to me.

Teri and Ian are your designated Couple Over Forty. She says that "with age, [they] have experience and knowledge." And a kind of leathery appearance, I have to say. But of course, they're from Florida, so they've seen a lot of hard living on their way to the Early Bird Special. Moreover, while she's talking, he's staring off into space looking like nothing on earth has ever bored him more than when his wife talks. I dislike him on sight. We see them topple off the back of a boat wearing snorkel gear. (Don't worry. It's on purpose.) "We're the leaders, not the followers," Ian says. You know, I think there may be a rule for "leaders" that's similar to the rule for "alternative."

Andre and Damon are a cop and a firefighter, although I honestly couldn't tell you which is which. They've also both spent time in the military, which seems like good training for this, too.

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Amazing Race

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