Amazing Race
Whatever It Takes To Win

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The Guidos are evil

Commercials. Drive a Jetta, it's the fastest way to break up someone else's wedding. ["While looking uncannily like James Spader." -- Sars]

Teams speeding toward the car factory in their cabs. Guido, Esquire, Shower-Fresh. Back at the train station, Emily tries to keep from being knocked over by what's kicked up by the next train that goes by. Meanwhile, at the car factory, Frank and Margarita learn about the Roadblock. This is the one-team-member-does-the-task segment, and this week the clue is that it should be done by "someone who likes to take things slowly." The Frank Formerly Known As Loud And Pushy takes it on. Turns out that the task is to drive a little smart car (which looks kinda like the bastard child of a red sports car and a golf cart) to the next destination, using only a map in Italian to get there, along a rather circuitous route. While one team member does that, the other team member gets a ride to the destination in a sports car that can go 180 miles an hour.

Guidos, arriving. They notice that Frank and Margarita are ahead of them. As LPFrank gets ready to go, Margarita encourages him to ask directions if he needs to. And now, Frank does not only the smartest thing we've yet seen him do, but one of the smartest things we've seen ANYONE do during this entire race. He shows his cab driver on the map where he needs to go, and he hires the cab driver to drive ahead of him, so now Smart Crafty Frank can just follow. A stroke of genius, I have to say, and you know how that pains me. As he follows the cab (his smart car only goes about 30 miles an hour), Margarita excitedly takes off in the silver sports car.

"I'm driving a Swatch watch," Suddenly Funny Frank says in frustration. "I can ride my bike faster than this." Hee! Margarita and her driver come up behind Frank, pull up alongside, and then whiz off into the great beyond like he's standing still. And Sweet Supportive Frank hollers and yells with excitement the entire time. It's…oh, for cryin' out loud. It's cute, all right? Loud Pushy Frank is being cute, and it's making me feel like the universe has tipped on its axis. Frank goes on to explain, "Every time, I get stuck. Last time, I let her do the Roadblock, and I had to drag a camel through the desert. Now, I say, 'Oh, let me drive this thing,' and she's in a Ferrari or something, just chillin'…that's cool, though." The way he throws out this last part -- "that's cool, though" -- is hysterically funny for some reason I can't put my finger on. ["I think it's because he realized that he sounded complainy, so he hit the manual override on that really abruptly, but he's clearly still disgusted by the Swatch car. Hee." -- Sars]

Guido reads the clue. "'For someone who likes to take things slow,'" Joe considers. "Well, that would be me, because I'm all nice and calm all the time." Yeah, whatever, Discount Joe. As he climbs into the Swatch watch, Bill wishes him good luck. In French, of course. Ass. Next time we see Joe, he looks a little lost. "I think I made a mistake already," he despairs. Interesting how the incredibly smart Guidos didn't come up with Frank's trick, isn't it?

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Amazing Race

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