Amazing Race
Whatever It Takes To Win

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The Guidos are evil

4:42 AM. Team Danza, with Loud Pushy Frank in a scarf wrapped around his head, wearing shorts. Whatever, LPFrank. He points out that Danza didn't have a good day yesterday, and they're hoping to do a little better on this leg so they can "recover." He goes on to say, "Things are not over. We haven't been counted out yet." Unfortunately, this is true. I am still resisting the Rehabilitation Of Frank storyline they're trying to feed me. Whatever happened to the Secret Love Of Margarita And Rob? I was on the edge of my seat with that one. Aside from the fact that I made it up, I thought it was really going somewhere.

4:43 AM. Lenny and Karyn. She admits that they're having "little squabbles." Yeah, little squabbles followed by The Karyn Eyeball Daggers Of Death. I'm surprised Lenny doesn't have little holes burned into his skull from the looks she gives him. The back of his head should be Swiss cheese by now. She goes on: "We just keep gettin' up, believe me." Oh, I believe you, Karyn. I'm amazed by it, but I believe it. Lenny says that they can only expect that they're "gonna butt heads." Heh. He said "butt heads." Can you tell I'm bored with them and my mind wanders? They find a cab as well.

Morning has brooooo-ken…Guidos in their cab. Shower-Fresh in their cab. (Have you noticed that these teams do not like each other? Bruckheimer and friends would like you to notice.) A truckload of oranges goes by. Huh? Momily, more trucks, beauty shot of Rob, beauty shot of Brennan. (Esquire asked me just how obsessively I have to hover over the pause button in order to get these recaps done, and let me just say this in response: Nice eyelashes, boys!) It is at this point that I realize that when I first saw Rob in the coffee shop Wednesday morning, I said to myself, "Hey, you can't be in a coffee shop! You're on TV!" and now, when I see him on TV, I say, "You can't be on TV! I know you!" Weird phenomenon, that. Aaaanyway, nauseating camerawork continues as we follow the teams toward the hotel. In their cab, a preposterously grinning Frank opines that he and Margarita surprised the other teams by showing up at the oasis when everybody thought they'd gotten hopelessly lost. He thinks that the other teams reacted to seeing them by saying, "Damn, they're still here?" I don't doubt this is true; I'm just not sure it happened for the reasons LPFrank thinks it did. He continues, "The bottom line is, we're gonna dust ourselves off, pick ourselves up, clean ourselves off, and start all over again." "Onward," Margarita agrees. I think it's safe to say this will be the only time you will see LPFrank very nearly quote Fred Astaire, but with the direction his personality is going…who knows? Perhaps Natty Broadway Frank is only a few episodes away.

Teams hurtle toward the hotel. Seriously, the camera people and the editors just lost their minds this week. Whatever method of motion-sickness-inducement they were using before, they cranked it up to eleven this time, because I seriously need five deep breaths and a stiff drink to stop my stomach from churning. Speaking of my churning stomach, Team Guido disembarks from the cab, followed by Kevin and Drew. Guido rips open the clue. It leads them to a spot outside the Coliseum. No, no, this time it IS the Coliseum you're thinking of -- the one in Rome. Incidentally, they get a photo of the spot they're going to, and if it's the same one they show us, it shows the entire Coliseum. Nevertheless, Bill crows, "I know exactly where that is, that's right outside the Coliseum." Yeah, no kidding. I ONCE AGAIN got lost trying to get out of fucking downtown Minneapolis JUST LAST NIGHT, so I don't exactly have a natural compass in my nose, but I still think I could have looked at that picture and deduced that it was the Coliseum. In news not related to my navigational difficulties, Joe and Bill head for the airport as Kevin and Drew open the clue and follow.

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Amazing Race

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