Amazing Race

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Learning Experiences

Joe|Heidi and Carol|Brandy are at the farm, after Joe tells Heidi that a kitchen-related task is perfect for her. I hope that's because he sees her as a talented gourmet and not as "the wife." Heidi and Carol decide to work together. They start by getting the milk, and find the cows as Cord did, all lined up in their pens, ass out. Carol pats one that has a big, long blur over its tail, and for a moment I think there's a farmer or something standing there who didn't sign a release. But then the sounds of something wet slapping on the ground, accompanied by Carol's disgusted reaction, tells me that's not a person at all. Carol solo-interviews, "Give me the nice hotel with the nice restaurants and the clean sheets." Yeah, too bad there's no The Amazing Race: Luxury Edition. She wouldn't have cows kicking her in the hand on that show like she just did on this one, nosiree. The cow behind Heidi also takes a pixilated dump, to Heidi's unpixilated horror. But they both have enough milk now, so they're off to gather the eggs. Which are less likely to crap on or kick them.

Brent and Caite have arrived at the Road Block clue, and Brent decides to make the kuchen. "You got it, baby!" Caite hollers after him, and then hawks and spits on the ground in a manner totally unbefitting Miss Teen South Carolina. Realizing Brandy and Joe are watching her from a short distance away, she calls, "Sorry." I wonder if she also did that onstage during the pageant and nobody ever saw it because it was overshadowed by her verbal flub.

Carol and Heidi finish at about the same time, Heidi meeting up with Joe just before Carol gets back. "Readreadreadreadread!" Carol snaps at Brandy. In the car on the way to the Pit Stop, Carol says it would be a "moral victory" to beat Brent and Caite. Brandy doesn't even know what she's talking about until Carol does a rather weaker Caite impersonation than Jordan does. And then Brandy knows which team Carol's referring to, but even I'm not sure how that constitutes a "moral victory."

"You smell like ass," Brent informs the cow he's milking, as yet another one craps on-camera. Did the producers dose the animals with laxative or something?

Jordan and Jeff are at the farm, still in fifth place, and Jeff realizes he's going to have to take this one as soon as he reads that the required ingredients include a baker's dozen of eggs. "How many eggs are in a baker's dozen?" he asks Jordan rhetorically in a post-leg interview. "Jeff?" she says irritatedly, and we all know what that means. The woman doesn't know how many quarters are in an hour. Brent finishes the Road Block, so they're off to the Pit Stop in fourth place. Jeff looks distinctly nervous milking his cow. He deserves to get that condom kicked off his head, at least.

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Amazing Race

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