Amazing Race
Amazing Race

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A- | 514 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Champagne wishes and caviar [bleeeaaaargh]

Unfortunately, Colin feeds this silliness (of course, it's no skin off his nose and increases his air of authority) by saying, "If we can buy tickets, do y'all just want to do it in the same order?" Which...I mean, think about how absurd that is. It's none of his business in what order the rest of them buy tickets, because he's at the front of the line. He is literally the one person with no dog in this fight, and there he is, blowing his little gym teacher's whistle and telling everybody what the rules are. Of course, several of the other teams are all, "Oh, sure, same order!" Christie invites Nicole and Brandon, who were standing in third place in the El Valle line and are in what looks to be the back of this line, to step up in honor of their previous third-place status. Whatever. These people are all such wimps. Why are they letting Colin and Christie be the Popular Steadies and the King and Queen of the Line? Who appointed Colin and Christie to let Brandon and Nicole pass a bunch of other people when it has no effect on them? Stand up for yourselves, you nimrods! BAAAAAA!

Mirna now comes in with her very special theory: "We were actually the first people in line." Excuse me? The first people in what line? You were not. Not the first at the old line, not the first at the new line. So shut up. Lance: "Don't talk to me!" Again, the very difficult battle of Lance versus Mirna. What to do, what to do. Now, one of the Twinkies pipes up, "Are we all going to respect each other's order or not? Because [we're] tired of being pushed back!" I'm sorry, did she say respect each other's order? And if so, was she being ironic? Respect each other's order, my ass. And, not to open old wounds, but this is kind of the same way I felt about the Esquire griping about Guido passing them inside the Pantheon at the kitty statue. You wait in line to get inside -- that's the line, and that's what the line is for. Once you've gotten inside, the line ceases to exist, because a line is only for the thing it was for when it was established. The reason you're being "pushed back" is that it didn't occur to you to look for the other bus line's schedule, and then you didn't watch carefully enough to follow Colin and Christie as soon as most of the other people did. So cram it. Lance says, quite correctly (which makes me disoriented), that it's not like you can preserve the line in amber like a prehistoric mosquito. "What, we're going to maintain that order throughout the whole day?" And I'm not going to say, "Word, Lance," because it will cause me to go into shock and my throat to close up and my knees to buckle, but suffice it to say...yes. Chip has worked his way up to the front of this line, and Bob gives a disdainful, "You're not kidding anybody, Chip." Why would Chip be trying to kid anybody? Does Bob think Chip is hiding the ball about trying to get ahead by working his way up to the front of the line while the rest of them bicker over where they're going to stand? Because I'd think that the title of the fucking show would sort of give that tricky plan away.

Amazing Race

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