Amazing Race
Who Says Pageant Girls Don't Eat?

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Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Champagne wishes and caviar [bleeeaaaargh]

Commercials. My local news wants to teach me how to make my own laundry detergent. Yeah, I don't know.

We return to find Christie still weeping over her fish eggs. And now Colin is across the table staring at her. Actually, glaring at her. Nicole, meanwhile, is poised with her spoon, saying, "Holy moly." Hee. Christie apologizes to Colin, who is helpfully sitting with his hand over his eyes, looking like this entire situation is completely catastrophic, which is the opposite of what's needed, I'd say.

Charla and Mirna read the restaurant clue. "It would be nice to have dinner, [Phyllis], we're starving," Mirna notes in the cab.

At the restaurant, Nicole puts down her spoon. "I'm full," she protests. Yeah, that's not gonna work. It's kind of like your mom and peas -- you can't stop eating just because you say you're full. And you're not going to hide two pounds of caviar in your napkin, either. "I don't think anybody's going to be able to do this," Brandon says, looking at the way the women are struggling. "I do. I think everyone's gonna do it," Colin seethes. "If you have the motivation to do it, you're gonna get it done." So that's a nice backhanded slam on his crying girlfriend made to other people right in front of her, especially coming from a guy who already announced that he wasn't sure he could force it down his throat. So, you know, when it's him, it's because he can't force it down his throat. But when it's her? She lacks motivation. Ass. He glares at her from across the table as she looks at him pleadingly. He has now given her all the support she is getting, and she will get no more, because now she just lacks motivation and he has had it, hear me? Had it!

In the Chip and Kim cab, he talks about how he wants to get to the front of the pack and get out of last place. "The way we're going to do it is on the Roadblocks," he says. They pull up to the restaurant. She immediately gives him the Roadblock. Hee. Yeah, I would give it to him, too.

Colin is inside, doing his head-in-hand freaked-out thing again. "Oh, my God," he says in despair, "they're here." Christie is now sitting across from him with her hands folded, looking down at the caviar, psyched out beyond reason. Chip comes in and looks at the bowl. "What is that...all of this?" Looking dismayed but grimly determined, he sits down and takes a giant bite, which he chases with a gulp of juice, trying not to taste it going down. Bite, gulp. Christie and Nicole stare at him miserably. Bite, gulp. "You've gotta just do it," Colin whispers to Christie. "You make it sound so simple," she says in frustration. He lifts his hand off his temple in disbelief. "It's that simple," he says. "You cannot quit." Which is easy for him to say, considering that, again, he very nearly made her do it on the theory that he couldn't, so it's not like he has to put his money where his big fat mouth is. Seriously, having already specifically declined to put up, the least you can do is shut up. Apparently, if she had left it to him, they might still be sitting here at the table tomorrow, so there you go.

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Amazing Race

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