Amazing Race
Who Says Pageant Girls Don't Eat?

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Champagne wishes and caviar [bleeeaaaargh]

After Christie comments happily that they're "going to Russia," she voices over that starting out in first place is a good deal, and that to stay in first, they'll need to be "the team that makes the least amount of mistakes." Well, we'll just have to hope they're not the team that has the fewest determination and skill. They drive through the darkness. You know, intensely.

3:21 AM. Charla and Mirna are giddy about going to St. Petersburg, which they express by fist-pumping and yelling to the camera in unison, which has a Disney Channel vibe I'm kind of not digging. Excitement is good, but don't say it into the camera, goofs. As they're leaving, Charla talks with the heavy burden of noble sacrifice about how she and Mirna had to "defend [them]selves" in the last leg because Marshall and Lance were "attacking" them. Yes, that's just how I remember it. It definitely had nothing to do with Mirna butting into other people's conversations, adopting a sense of entitlement that would choke Martha Stewart, or generally being the biggest pain in the rear since carbuncles. As they get in their Jeep, Mirna explains that, "being a lawyer," she has to "deal with despicable human beings on a constant basis." I tried to think of something witty to say here on behalf of my profession, but after careful consideration, I'm going with, "Takes one to know one."

3:54 AM. Brandon and Nicole. He says with some relish that they're headed for St. Petersburg. Relish, that is, rather than squeak. Nicole voices over as they leave that although they're Christians and love "to share [their] love of the Lord with other people," that when you're talking about winning, she's going to be "as ruthless as [she] can possibly be." And I was so glad she said that, because seriously, nothing makes me happier than hearing someone admit that liking God and being a good person really have nothing to do with refraining from competing hard in a game, which this ultimately is. It's a game, exactly like football, or chess, or Jeopardy!, and playing hard -- including specifically attempting to advance yourself at the expense of other people -- has really nothing to do with being a person of good character, any more than Ken Jennings is a bad person for ringing in before other people get a chance. He may be some sort of evil alien automaton, of course, but that's different from being a bad person. Actually, Alex Trebek might be, too. Do you suppose they're in it together?

At 4:22 AM, Bob and Joyce leave. He comments that he's happy that they've "knocked off a couple strong, young teams," and he's hoping to "knock off a few more." So if you're a strong, young team, my advice would be that you duck, because Bob is on the prowl. He has rollerblades, and he's not afraid to use them.

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Amazing Race

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