Amazing Race
Who Says Pageant Girls Don't Eat?

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Champagne wishes and caviar [bleeeaaaargh]

Lance finishes eating, and he and Marshall leave. Elsewhere, Colin and Christie make their way up the steps to the mat. Phil tells them they're team number two. Colin voices over that he wishes he had chosen to do the Roadblock instead of Christie, but then adds that he doesn't think he could have done it. Well, then, you don't wish you had taken it, do you? He stands around on the mat looking...you know, intense...and Christie's all crying and shit. He actually sounds all choked-up as he says he's "very proud of her." Yeah...you know, she's allowed to cry over the Roadblock. You? You should shut up.

Back to Nicole, curled up on the floor, still talking about how dizzy she feels. Charla finishes the caviar, because she actually is tough and probably deserves to be carefully distinguished from the increasingly awful Mirna, and the two of them leave. "Baby, I don't know if I can do it," Nicole says, as Brandon crouches next to her. You can actually see her legs shaking as she lies on the floor and Brandon holds an ice pack against her forehead.

Commercials. Wendy's will give your kid milk now? Where's he supposed to get sugary drinks, school?

Creepy music jangles as we look at Nicole's half-finished bowl of caviar, and then at Nicole, lying on the floor in a heap. And shaking. A concerned Brandon stands over her and says that she's "really sick," and he's thinking she's "literally about to pass out." Note to future task planners: Please ensure that the gross food isn't going to cause convulsions, because this really isn't all that much fun.

Elsewhere, the Twinkies and Moms land in St. Petersburg. They get taxis, each team telling its driver to stay ahead of the other. A Twinkie gives a little talk about how they're friends, but everybody's going to "do what they need to do" anyway. Like...oh, I don't know...CHIP! Hee hee. Snack on that, Twinkie.

And...ew, Marshall and Lance are team number three at the pit stop. How gross. They shake hands, but Lance doesn't look at all well, either.

The Twinkies and Moms arrive at the battleship and search for the clue. Both teams choose the vodka shot and take off in their cabs.

And then, at the airport, we see Bob and Joyce, "currently in last place." They hop in a cab to the ship, and Bob talks in the cab about how it's "within the realm of possibilities" that they're not out of it.

Welcome, Charla and Mirna, you're team number four, blah dee blah. Mirna goes to hug Phil, and he's all, "You're going to hug me?" And he didn't really say it with excitement, if you get my drift.

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Amazing Race

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