Amazing Race
Who Says Pageant Girls Don't Eat?

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: B+ | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Champagne wishes and caviar [bleeeaaaargh]

5:04 AM. Twinkies. They announce that they're getting $241 for the leg, and one of them explains in a voice-over as they leave that racing with your twin is hard, because you have the same strengths and weaknesses, and no one to "balance out" those qualities. Ah, yes. It's the notorious "any flag you can miss, I can miss blinder" problem.

5:15 AM. Linda and Karen. You'll be shocked to know that they're all squeaky about going to Russia. One or the other of them voices over that they would rather be somewhere between first and third, because she doesn't like the feeling that they're "playing catch-up every single time." Or else it's that they "play in ketchup every single time." It's probably the first one. I don't really see that brand of kink in them.

5:17 AM. Chip and Kim. Again, there is excitement at the prospect of Russia, and then Chip tells us as they march determinedly off the mat that they are "tired of being bottom-feeders." "We need to run the perfect race," Kim adds. Well, not the perfect race, but perhaps a better leg, as you are rapidly running out of teams that obligingly step in and screw up slightly more than you do. "Brrrrump!" the music agrees with me.

Linda and Karen begin to worry that they might be going the wrong way as they head away from the pit stop. Brandon and Nicole, on the other hand, are successfully arriving at the bus station, the third team to do so. Just behind them are Bob and Joyce, then the Twinkies.

5:34 AM. Marshall and Lance. Unsurprisingly, they don't react to the news of Russia, except in Marshall's case to grouse, "Get the winter gear out." Gosh, they always just seem so darn happy just to be here, don't they? I mean, even if they're Philiminated, they've at least taken the time to fully appreciate the experience, if by "appreciate" you mean "bellyache about." Considering that they appear to be about as excited about international travel as most people would be about drinking turpentine, you'd think there might be some other show they could have explored, but I suppose they're a little too hairy for The Swan. Marshall (I think) voices over that in their normal, day-to-day lives, they argue all the time, but in the race, they've "agreed on everything." Including, apparently, the appropriateness of yelling "Bitch!" out of a car window. Apparently, he has not yet figured out that distancing himself from Lance is his only shot at redemption. And, probably, happiness.

Chip and Kim, as usual, are a little lost looking for the bus station. Thus, Marshall and Lance are the sixth team to get to the bus station, and Linda and Karen are seventh. Chip and Kim? Bottom-feeders. In what I'd say may be a harbinger of things to come, when Lance and Marshall get to the bus station, one of them walks over and low-fives Colin, so I think what you're about to see didn't come out of nowhere. When everyone is assembled, it is noted that everyone is waiting in line for the same ticket window, in order of when they arrived. How orderly of them. They're the best behaved group of children at Amazing Gymboree.

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Amazing Race

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